Adoption

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steelem
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Adoption

Postby steelem » Tue 16 Mar, 2010 11:20 pm

So, as some of you may know, my husband and I have been researching and planning on doing an adoption of two babies from Ethiopia for a long while. We wanted to start the process when Kate turns 3, so the end of 2011. BUT, Ethiopia's laws changed, like, last week. They now require two visits. Aside from the financial burden, I just absolutely cannot go halfway around the world, hold my babies, and then leave them for another three months. SO.

Does anyone know anyone who's had a good experience domestically? I've heard good things about Heart to Heart based in Utah. I've heard good things about Utah's adoption laws. Basically, I do not want to hold a baby in my arms that is going to be taken away from me. Cost is not TOO much of an issue, since we were already planning on $20-30k.

How about other international options? I do not want to visit until I am there to pick up my babies. I do not want to do Eastern Europe. I started reading great things about South Korea, until, drum roll please, they are phasing out international adoptions, set to tentatively end in 2012.

I know know KNOW there are two little boys that need to be in our family. And I know just as assuredly that I can't do anything physically myself to bring them here.

I have been doing googling, but it's always good to hear from people who had personal experiences.
Friendship doesn't make you fly, jellyfish do. Duh.

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SDR
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Postby SDR » Thu 18 Mar, 2010 09:52 am

I know nothing about this subject, so all I can say is good luck.

deepdish
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Postby deepdish » Sun 21 Mar, 2010 08:07 am

I don't know how much help I'm going to be, as our adoption was quite unusual.

We were in the process of registering with LDS Family Services when we got a call from a family friend. She had a friend whose 16-year-old daughter was expecting and looking to place her child once it was born. We exchanged phone numbers and a few months later our son was born. He had to stay in a foster home for the first month while all the court stuff was worked out, but then he was ours.

If you can find a willing mother you can do a private adoption. Some people advertise in newspapers and on-line. Private adoptions can be tricky, especially when they happen across state lines like ours did. You'd need to hire an attorney because you want to be sure every I gets dotted and every T crossed. The cost varies depending on the state involved. Our birth mother lived in a state where we weren't allowed to provide any money for the medical part of the birth of the baby (they didn't want the impression that the mother was obligated to you because you were paying for the cost of health care), other states will allow you to pay medical for the baby's birth.

Was Kate a traditional birth? If so, some agencies won't work with you because they want to reserve the babies for those who can't create a family any other way. Also, when dealing in newborns, most agencies want no more that 40 years difference in age between the baby and either parent.

I know this road can be tough, but hang in there.

Chad

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Momma Snider
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Re: Adoption

Postby Momma Snider » Mon 07 May, 2012 01:57 pm

I wonder how this went? I guess I'll have to check Facebook.

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bCurt
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Re: Adoption

Postby bCurt » Fri 10 Aug, 2012 04:04 am

Don't forget to try other countries. I know not all require two visits.

My wife and I are foster/adopt parents and have been for the last four years. It is the more difficult way to adopt but we luckily had the opportunity to adopt our youngest last year. She was given up at birth at the hospital (called Safe Haven). We've also been able to be foster parents to 20 children.

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bCurt
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Re: Adoption

Postby bCurt » Fri 10 Aug, 2012 04:17 am

I just realized how old the original post was.

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KMD
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Re: Adoption

Postby KMD » Fri 10 Aug, 2012 07:28 am

That's OK bCurt, I think most of us are still wondering how steelem got on with the adoption process, and we're just happy someone posted something new!

20?! That is a whole lotta love in your house!
Living with a cat is like living with a small, very crazy fat man.

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Momma Snider
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Re: Adoption

Postby Momma Snider » Fri 10 Aug, 2012 06:16 pm

I admire foster parents so much! It would be really awesome to be able to adopt a baby you'd fostered, too.
I have never known of baby that was adopted through Safe Haven. Was there more red tape than with a direct adoption?

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bCurt
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Re: Adoption

Postby bCurt » Sat 11 Aug, 2012 05:16 am

As Foster/Adopt parents we've already gone through a layer of "tape" that is renewed each year. To avoid people doing horrible things with unwanted children certain places have been designated as Safe Haven locations to give up a child without questions (though they do try to get a medical history for the parents). Hospitals are one of those locations. From what I understand it has not happened often in Utah. We got a call two days after our daughter was born asking if we were willing to take her. It was a Saturday and due to some needed paperwork we couldn't go see her until the coming Monday. She was two months premature and was expected (and did) spend a month in the NICU. Since her mom had already signed off on her parental rights, the State only had to publish a notice for three weeks in the paper seeking out the father and any kin. After no one responded, a judge determined she was adoptable. Technically she was our foster child until she was cleared for adoption and we got the adoption filings taken care off. Because the adoption was done through the foster/adopt process, the State reimbursed us for our lawyer and court fees (up to a certain amount but most attorneys will only charge up to that reimbursed amount unless it is more complicated for some reason).

This all seems quite simple but the State drug it out for over 6 months, some of the delay being due to the lack of experience of some officials with safe haven procedures. But, we are quite grateful to have our daughter!

Many get into being foster parents to adopt at some point (believe me, it is not for the money). We have seen a lot of foster parents have that opportunity but it didn't seem to come to us. Our first 19 foster kids went back to their parents. It has been hard at times. We had a 7-8 year-old boy stay with us for over a year (he went to his father in another state last year). Our 10 year old son and 8 year-old daughter had grown close to him as did we. Our first placement was hard also. We had a 6 month old girl and her 15 month old brother. They were with us for over 8 months. So, at that point the little girl had lived with us longer than her mom. Most of foster kids have gone back to situations that are less than favorable.

So, the adoption process from foster care is not too difficult but getting there may not be easy.

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Momma Snider
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Re: Adoption

Postby Momma Snider » Sat 11 Aug, 2012 11:02 am

I had wondered about the waiting period after a Safe Haven placement. I get so frustrated when I read about girls leaving babies in trash cans or whatever, when all they had to do was drop it off at a hospital or fire station instead. But then I didn't know if the authorities would try to find a family member to give the baby back to or what. I could picture them searching for the mother, who obviously wasn't ready to take care of a baby, and trying to coerce her or a relative to take the baby back. I'm glad that's not the way it happens.

I'm personally having an issue right now with a friend whose son and his girlfriend refused to give a baby up for adoption, and now the mom doesn't want the child because she gets in the way, and she whines all the time about being a single mom, but since they've broken up, she doesn't want the dad to have her, either. I have little sympathy for her at this point. She actually might lose the child because of her behaviors (which she publicizes on Facebook) and the dad is less equipped than she is.

Anyway, it warms my heart when things turn out well, thanks to unselfish foster parents.


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