The Parenting Thread

Welcome to the Online Village of Nerds. Enjoy your stay.

Moderators: The Don, Lady Celtic, Karenins_SuperSon, Eric's Moderator Brother

User avatar
quidscribis
Posts: 927
Joined: Sat 19 Apr, 2003 10:56 pm
Location: Malaysia, with my hubby whom I love
Contact:

Re: The Parenting Thread

Postby quidscribis » Wed 02 Apr, 2014 11:40 pm

KMD, I would slap those people on your behalf. Threatening you with jail time because of one unexcused absence is outrageous.

When I was a kid (as in, from kindergarten to grade 12), I missed at least 1/3 of the school year every single year. I was always sick. Of course, now I have a diagnosis, but not back then. But back in those days, no one even talked to my parents about my absences, never mind threatening them with jail. It probably helps that I was a mostly A student all the years. Or maybe it's just how things were back in the day.

I find it so bizarre that things are so... rigid in the US school system.
There's no better form of government than a dictatorship when you're the dictator.
-Fahim Farook

Walking the World
Me on Instagram
Me on Twitter
Me on Google+
Me on Facebook

User avatar
Momma Snider
Posts: 9072
Joined: Wed 14 Aug, 2002 08:50 am

Re: The Parenting Thread

Postby Momma Snider » Thu 03 Apr, 2014 08:59 am

Well, the reason is that the school district's funding comes directly from daily attendance. It's allotted by the state by counting each student each day, and if a student is absent, no matter the reason, that's money the school doesn't get. But it still seems entirely out of line to talk about jail after one absence.

User avatar
KMD
Posts: 1656
Joined: Thu 06 Sep, 2007 12:53 pm

Re: The Parenting Thread

Postby KMD » Thu 03 Apr, 2014 06:00 pm

My sister is telling me to contact a lawyer and take them into the meeting tomorrow, but I feel like that is just fighting outrageousness with more outrageousness. But I'll tell you, if they do expel him, after all the improvement he's made, I am a) asking for an appeal and b) lawyering up. Possibly in that order.
Living with a cat is like living with a small, very crazy fat man.

User avatar
SDR
Posts: 1912
Joined: Wed 14 Aug, 2002 03:02 pm
Location: Hooper, UT
Contact:

Re: The Parenting Thread

Postby SDR » Thu 03 Apr, 2014 07:04 pm

Is there any chance it is just a form letter that all parents get with an unexcused absence? Or is it a "we've been having problems, so we're going to dot every i and cross every t to make sure we can expel him at the earliest opportunity"?

Regardless, given how things work, and how relatively close it is to the end of the year, and the fact that you're going to be moving anyway, I have to believe if they take everything into account they'll let leave things as is rather than risking a pricey lawsuit. School districts tend to be adverse to that in my experience, not that my experience is any sort of vast entity that should give you any comfort.

User avatar
Momma Snider
Posts: 9072
Joined: Wed 14 Aug, 2002 08:50 am

Re: The Parenting Thread

Postby Momma Snider » Thu 03 Apr, 2014 07:39 pm

I definitely think the lawyer route should wait until after you see what happens. I hope it all turns out well without resorting to that, though!!! Please let us know as soon as you can.

User avatar
KMD
Posts: 1656
Joined: Thu 06 Sep, 2007 12:53 pm

Re: The Parenting Thread

Postby KMD » Fri 04 Apr, 2014 01:01 pm

The meeting went incredibly well! My husband kept saying before we went that they didn't have enough ammo to expel him, and he was right. They were all very positive of all the changes they have seen since going on the meds. He's doing all his work, finishing early, and now the teacher is starting to show him more advanced math, and he is eating it up. He's not disrupting the class, and he's starting to participate in a group! It's just a complete 180 from the last time! He did score "clinical" on several factors on an autism evaluation we did with special ed, but they basically said "eh, let it go." He's not scoring high enough to need special assistance, and some of it is just his "personality" and he just needs to mature. So, phew!

I showed the unexcused absence/jail time letter to the principal, and she said all suspension days are unexcused, but we still should not have gotten that letter already. Apparently, after 5 unexcused absences, you get a letter from the school, then after 10 you get the letter we got from the school board. and he's right at 5. So, the principal is going to take it up with them for us.

And because we needed to complicate today, my kid woke up at 4 AM with a fever of 101.5. So we had to get a grandparent to watch him while we attended the meeting. Now we know, he has the flu.
Living with a cat is like living with a small, very crazy fat man.

User avatar
SDR
Posts: 1912
Joined: Wed 14 Aug, 2002 03:02 pm
Location: Hooper, UT
Contact:

Re: The Parenting Thread

Postby SDR » Fri 04 Apr, 2014 01:49 pm

Excellent news Kamed (you really needed some vowels, not that I'm one to be talking), with the exception of the flu. Glad there's been such a turn around for him and that the school recognizes it.

User avatar
KMD
Posts: 1656
Joined: Thu 06 Sep, 2007 12:53 pm

Re: The Parenting Thread

Postby KMD » Mon 07 Apr, 2014 08:46 am

And now we all have the flu.

Am I a bad parent, that I kept my kid off the ADHD meds for one day, just worried with the flu meds that it was just too many drugs in his body... and he was a jerk all day and I really missed my nice, polite, rule following kid, so I've put him back on the ADHD meds? Because I do kinda feel bad about that...
Living with a cat is like living with a small, very crazy fat man.

User avatar
Momma Snider
Posts: 9072
Joined: Wed 14 Aug, 2002 08:50 am

Re: The Parenting Thread

Postby Momma Snider » Mon 07 Apr, 2014 12:18 pm

I don't think that's bad at all. I'm sure he doesn't like misbehaving and feels badly about it when it happens, and he'd rather be nice to you. I hope you all get well quickly!

User avatar
SDR
Posts: 1912
Joined: Wed 14 Aug, 2002 03:02 pm
Location: Hooper, UT
Contact:

Re: The Parenting Thread

Postby SDR » Mon 07 Apr, 2014 04:56 pm

I suspect they two wouldn't interact negatively, and if you get all your prescriptions filled at the same place, they'd hopefully notice if there were negative interactions.

In any case, no need to feel bad. I have absolved you.

User avatar
KMD
Posts: 1656
Joined: Thu 06 Sep, 2007 12:53 pm

Re: The Parenting Thread

Postby KMD » Wed 09 Apr, 2014 01:16 pm

I was less worried about drug interactions, and more trying to hit that sweet spot of him taking his medicine willingly, instead of throwing a fit and refusing it all together. He actually spit out the juice plus ADHD meds all over his blanket, because some of the powder wasn't dissolved and it was "too chunky". In the kid's defense, he was on Tamiflu, Motrin, Zyrtec and an antibiotic. One more med just was not going in there!
Living with a cat is like living with a small, very crazy fat man.

User avatar
SDR
Posts: 1912
Joined: Wed 14 Aug, 2002 03:02 pm
Location: Hooper, UT
Contact:

Re: The Parenting Thread

Postby SDR » Wed 09 Apr, 2014 01:21 pm

You mean kids have a finite volume after which you can't put more in? You guys are weird back east. ;)

User avatar
Momma Snider
Posts: 9072
Joined: Wed 14 Aug, 2002 08:50 am

Re: The Parenting Thread

Postby Momma Snider » Wed 09 Apr, 2014 01:24 pm

Poor little guy! That is a lot of meds! Is he feeling better yet? And are you feeling better? How is the move looking? Still happening? Don't just lurk, talk!

User avatar
KMD
Posts: 1656
Joined: Thu 06 Sep, 2007 12:53 pm

Re: The Parenting Thread

Postby KMD » Wed 09 Apr, 2014 08:44 pm

SDR, it's less of a volumetric equation, and more an issue of "patience quotient". He will only tolerate so many foul tasting liquids being willingly taken before he hits his patience limit, and then nothing else is going in. Some days I miss when he was a baby, and one of us could just hold him down, and the other could squirt the meds into his mouth & try to quickly shut it before he spews it back out. Now he's so big, we'd have to use, well, more force than anyone sane would be comfortable with. So, I had to prioritize the meds. He also absolutely refuses shots, strep tests, and we are in the midst of a huge battle now because he has his first cavity, and he threw a huge fit at the dentist office and refused, well, everything. He wouldn't even let the dentist put the pink stuff on a q-tip on his gums to numb them. He jumped out of the chair and tried to escape out the window. Luckily, Mommy was in front of the window & stopped him. But now the dentist is refusing to treat him, and sending us to another place (over an hour away!) that specializes in kids, and they will gas him. That's the only way we are getting this done, if he's unconscious. But, my kid overheard the whole conversation (why do so many folks assume that when grown-ups are talking, it is boring to kids and they aren't listening?) and now he's scared of the place, and doesn't want to go there either! He says he's less afraid of the needle than the gas, and wants to try that again. I'm trying to find a way to explain that, well, that ship has sailed. He literally tried to climb out the window. That dentist is not going to "try again".

This is all of the extra, bonus, "fun" that comes with an ADHD kid. The whole "react before you can think" applies to everything! I prepped that kid for what was to come at the dentist's office, he was totally calm, and prepared and knew it would not be fun, but was necessary to get done. I can reason and explain forever, it doesn't make a difference. When the actual moment happens, he can't stay calm enough to apply reason, and he just reacts. It's all fight or flight (actually more fight AND flight) and no amount of logic, reasoning, planning, preparing, bargaining, begging, bribery or punishment will sway him in the slightest. That's why he didn't get a flu shot this season. it's why it takes 3 grown people to hold him down for mandatory vaccinations or blood draws. Friday it took that for a strep test, and a flu swab. I tried once to try and calm him down and willingly, voluntarily take a strep test. We sat in that room at the doctor's office for 2 hours whille I reasoned, begged, pleaded, bribed, threatened, you name it, I tried it. He finally said he'd try to be brave, we called the nurse in, she bent down with the giant swab, and he began to scream & fight & attempt to bite, and we were politely told to leave.

Sorry Momma, I ran out of time ranting about ADHD and didn't get to tell you about the flu & moving & all that jazz. Just something for you to look forward to tomorrow!
Living with a cat is like living with a small, very crazy fat man.

User avatar
SDR
Posts: 1912
Joined: Wed 14 Aug, 2002 03:02 pm
Location: Hooper, UT
Contact:

Re: The Parenting Thread

Postby SDR » Wed 09 Apr, 2014 10:21 pm

I "understand" (as much as an outsider can). Every kid and situation is different, but I've had to deal with some stuff when my kids were a lot younger. My 21 year old tried to choke a kid in day care when he was a wee little lad and wound up being kicked out and going to a day treatment "daycare" for a while to learn how to deal with things. And now that I realize how long ago that was, I feel ancient.

More than anything though, the stories my wife brings home from her classroom of "high functioning autism" kids, more than few of whom have been inappropriately placed and are there for things from intellectual disability to emotional disability to outright violent (she had to deal with one kid most of the year who was just transferred who hit her regularly and consistently; by the time they are getting to middle school age some have some pretty good strength going).

In any case ... good luck! And see about inflating him, then you'll have more volume for medication. ;)

User avatar
KMD
Posts: 1656
Joined: Thu 06 Sep, 2007 12:53 pm

Re: The Parenting Thread

Postby KMD » Thu 10 Apr, 2014 07:44 am

You get it, SDR, you truly do. I think all the folks here do, or I wouldn't feel so free to post my woes. Give your wife a hug for me, she's a stronger woman than I am.

OK Momma, here's your promised flu update: The boy came down with it Friday, it hit me Saturday AM and it hit Daddy Saturday PM. So, it's been interesting, watching the correct family member is like getting a glimpse into your own future. It's been a roller coaster, one day you feel better, the next you wake up much worse. So, when Ben would start going downhill, I knew I'd feel awful in about 12 hours! Ben ran a fever for 4 days, and that got me worried so I took him back to the doctor and she said there could be a secondary infection going on, but she really just thinks it's this particular strain of the flu. It lasts 7 to 10 days, and we might still get fatigued for up to a month after that! Holy Cow! I didn't sleep for 48 hours because I just couldn't lie down. My throat was so sore, any way I tried to lay, it put pressure somewhere on my throat and hurt. And it felt like I was breathing out of a pinhole, it was so swollen. I finally dozed off a bit sitting up on the couch. But, there's good things in my future, because my son is at school today, he's now been 48 hours without a fever and he's feeling fine, with just a bit of a cough. I'm doing OK, still coughing some, and my husband is still sneezing his head off, but he actually got some sleep last night, so he's finally on the road to recovery. And, I just have to add, my husband got the flu shot this year, which is supposed to have this strain in it, and it didn't help him a bit. And we all got Tamiflu within the first 48 hours, and as far as I can tell, didn't help a bit either. I'm not saying either is a crock, Just that this strain was so bad, nothing could touch it.

On the move nothing is definite yet, but it is looking more and more likely that we are moving. The hubs job ended March 31st, so he's officially among the unemployed (although he refuses to draw unemployment). He's started applying to a few places, but he's also working more on the comic, on things to increase revenue for it, in the hopes that he can just transition to being a cartoonist. But, as he said, he can be a cartoonist anywhere, and my job is technically in Charleston, so even then it still makes sense to move. A while back we visited that provate school for our son, and love it so very much, but now they want to meet him and he refuses to go. Any time I bring it up to him, he loses it, and ends up screaming NO! at me, and that he has made up his mind. He's kind of OK with all other aspects of the move though. He likes looking at new houses to move into, he wants a new room. But he doesn't want to change schools. And I just can't get through to him that he will have to. My mom is going to bribe him to visit the new school, and well, I'm OK with that. I think if he would see it, just once, he would fall in love. I just can't get him to open his mind to going for a visit, so if cash is what it takes, then fine. Although I am getting a little nervous, this is a private school and they only have a few spots open at his age for the fall. If we don't get that visit in soon & start doing the paperwork, we might miss the window of opportunity.
Living with a cat is like living with a small, very crazy fat man.

User avatar
KMD
Posts: 1656
Joined: Thu 06 Sep, 2007 12:53 pm

Re: The Parenting Thread

Postby KMD » Mon 28 Apr, 2014 11:47 am

We went this weekend to Charleston for the circus, and spent the whole day there, having fun, scouting areas for houses, and I drove my son past the regular elementary school and the Montessori school. He was surprised at how small the Montessori school was. when I explained the 1st, 2nd & 3rd grade classes combined were the size of his current class, he perked up. He got to see the outdoor workspace where they were setting up to plant marigolds next week. We talked about the class pets. And he has finally relented, and is willing to visit the school this week, on the day his regular class is going on a field trip he refuses to attend. So, YAY!
Living with a cat is like living with a small, very crazy fat man.

User avatar
Momma Snider
Posts: 9072
Joined: Wed 14 Aug, 2002 08:50 am

Re: The Parenting Thread

Postby Momma Snider » Mon 28 Apr, 2014 12:20 pm

That sounds great! Even down to the visit being the same day as a field trip he wasn't going on anyway! I pray it will go well, he'll like it, they'll like him, you'll find a good house, and that once the move is past he'll see that it was all a good thing.

User avatar
KMD
Posts: 1656
Joined: Thu 06 Sep, 2007 12:53 pm

Re: The Parenting Thread

Postby KMD » Fri 02 May, 2014 06:34 am

He went Wednesday, and he LOVED it! The day he went, they were taking the WESTEST in the morning, we showed up after, but because of the test, the administrators decided the kids needed to get their energy out, so they got recess, then lunch, then art, then a second recess. So, not an accurate reflection of a "normal" school day, but it was exactly what I needed it to be for Ben, a positive experience. The kids were all nice to him, played with him at recess, and talked to him at lunch. The night before we went, at dinner my son said "Mommy? I'm kind of glad I'll be going to a new schoolnext year, the kids at my school are mean to me." I've always known they were/would be. with his genetics, the glasses, the brains, he might as well have been born with a Kick Me sign on his back. But, before the ADHD meds, he never noticed. He was in his own little world, doing his own thing, and didn't realize he didn't have friends, that kids were saying mean things, generally being cruel to him. Now, he sees it, and it's making him sad. So, a change of school will be good for him.

Now we just need to get the hubby a job, and find a house! Sounds easy, right?
Living with a cat is like living with a small, very crazy fat man.

User avatar
Momma Snider
Posts: 9072
Joined: Wed 14 Aug, 2002 08:50 am

Re: The Parenting Thread

Postby Momma Snider » Fri 02 May, 2014 08:55 am

Finding a house is the easy part! Hopefully finding hubby a job will be easy, too. Ben loving the idea is the hard part, and you've got that! It's heartbreaking to think of him realizing the kids are mean to him. You seem to be so realistic about it, so level-headed and honest. I have often been impressed with your ability to see through the pain of having your child unhappy. As you said, some kids seem to be born with a Kick Me sign, and there's usually not anything the parent can do about it except help him be strong.

I have a related story. An acquaintance on Facebook was complaining about the school because her child is being bullied. He is in either 5th or 7th grade (not sure which of her kids it was) and the mean kids were...snapping his suspenders. Suspenders? She's tattooing that Kick Me sign on his back! The child is not an odd size or anything that requires suspenders, that's just how he dresses. So the school isn't doing its job?

Yes, absolutely all children should be taught to respect others, and teachers and other staff should watch and prevent what they can. But come on, a mom can also do her best to help her kids learn to fly under the radar, so to speak. We all know that there are adults who are terrible bullies, and they tend to have children, and they aren't going to support efforts to make all children kind and gentle. We can enforce a strict "no suspender snapping" rule, but mean kids will think of something else. I don't think I was very good at bully-proofing my kids, but I was aware of the concept and did my best. Some things you can't help, but some things you can.

Anyway, my point is that I think you do a wonderful job, and Ben is very blessed to have you as his mother!


Return to “Main Forum”

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: Baidu [Spider], Google [Bot] and 15 guests