The Parenting Thread

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Re: The Parenting Thread

Postby quidscribis » Sun 04 May, 2014 06:53 pm

KMD, SO glad he loved it. That's got to be a huge load lifted. :)
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Re: The Parenting Thread

Postby KMD » Mon 05 May, 2014 06:42 am

Thanks everybody, yes it IS a huge load lifted. Now he's really looking forward to going to school there, and it makes the whole move so much easier. I've been looking at houses on Zillow, but Me & hubby seem to disagree on price range. We're holding off on getting pre-qualified for a loan until he's got a job offer, since I'm sure that will make a difference in how much they'll lend us.

Momma, I am so realistic when it comes to my kid being a bully magnet because I was a bully magnet, and so was my husband. So, ever since we got married we've said our kid(s) are doomed. Feel pity for our son when he hits the teen years, because when the acne hits, it is going to hit HARD! :D
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Re: The Parenting Thread

Postby lisapants » Thu 08 May, 2014 02:17 pm

Wow, it's been a while since I've been here, and I am so glad that things are looking better for your son, KMD! I hope things continue to be positive with all aspects of your move.

A friend of mine asked on Facebook the other day if anyone had any advice for kids with ADHD and anger management problems. I immediately thought of you! Her son is a couple years younger than Ben and they are just starting the process of diagnosing the ADHD and trying to find a counselor for the anger management issues. Would you mind if she emailed you with any questions or picked your brain a bit about your experience with Ben? You can email me at lrhans@yahoo.com and I can pass it on to my friend.

As for us, Josh has been doing well academically at school. He still has issues with attention and focus and putting things in his mouth and leaving things alone that aren't his and other social skills. At his last parent/teacher meeting a couple months ago, his teacher wanted to get things rolling to help get him more support in the classroom (whatever THAT means.) So for the past few months he has been going through all sorts of assessments (physical, academic, psychological, speech) and we've filled out lots of forms for the school psychologist, some of them having to do with ADHD, and we have the initial IEP meeting on Monday morning. I am VERY nervous to hear what they have to say. I really don't know what to expect or what they will suggest.

For part of his physical assessment the school nurse checked out his hearing and vision and sent a letter home suggesting we take him to an actual eye doctor to get his eyes checked. We did that this past Monday, and found out that Josh needs glasses. He picked out a pair he liked and was very adamant that THAT was the pair he wanted, not the other ones we kept trying to put on him to see how they all fit and looked. I like the ones he picked, and he was sad when he found out he couldn't take them home that day but had to wait a couple weeks for the lenses to be put in. We'll see how well he is able to take care of them. This will be a new little adventure!
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Re: The Parenting Thread

Postby GenAdFemale » Tue 20 May, 2014 04:33 pm

My son was diagnosed ADD, and just yesterday I got a video on Snapchat of him sitting in the windowsill in his classroom and pretending he was a turtle. Turns out he was auditioning for a part as a turtle on a balcony in his Spanish 300 level class at BYU I.

I just wanted to post something in the Parenting thread. I'm not making fun or making light of anyone's difficulties (and yes, my son was diagnosed ADD when he was in 3rd grade and he had reading problems all through elementary school), I just wanted to participate in this thread. I'm not actually nostalgic for those days gone by of getting daily calls from the teacher, but I do kind of miss that difficult child. He's not so difficult at 21, but he's also not at home very much. And I live for the daily Snapchat updates he posts. Gotta love technology.

I hope all you who have parenting struggles find the strength to cope during the bad spells. Hugs!

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Re: The Parenting Thread

Postby Momma Snider » Wed 21 May, 2014 09:19 am

I think it has to help the youngsters to see things from the other end of the road, GenAd. Not that you're at the end, by any means, but the difficult years are behind you, and I know that while they're going on, it seems like they will never end.

My kids didn't have any problems that some good parenting wouldn't have solved. (Looking for the appropriate smiley face.) I did my best at the time, but man alive, there were sure a lot of things I missed. They all grew up, though, and those who are parents will do better.

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Re: The Parenting Thread

Postby Eric's Fat Brother » Wed 21 May, 2014 04:24 pm

The only problem I have is the urge to tell my mom to shut up when she says stupid things like that she wasn't a wonderful mom. :D
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Re: The Parenting Thread

Postby quidscribis » Wed 21 May, 2014 06:55 pm

Listen to Not-Eric, Momma. There are bad parents in the world, but you are not one of them. :)
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Re: The Parenting Thread

Postby Momma Snider » Thu 22 May, 2014 09:10 am

I was a good mom. I'd even say I was a very good mom. But that's because the most important thing is to love your kids and to love their other parent, which I did and do. But I let them sleep in their clothes if they wanted to, and I didn't make them shower often enough, so sometimes they were dirty, and when Lane and Chris had acne really bad I couldn't afford Acutane (that's my latest stab-myself-in-the-heart issue) and I blah blah blah, and the house was hardly ever clean, not only because of a small house and six kids, but also because I was and am lazy.

It's all those things that make me think my kids could have avoided some of the hard things that kids go through.

But one of my favorite things is that my kids think I was wonderful, and they love each other and are each others' best friends. And I know they all take showers often and I don't think any of them sleep in their clothes, so they have overcome their upbringing.

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Re: The Parenting Thread

Postby lisapants » Thu 22 May, 2014 03:43 pm

It's comforting to hear other people's struggles with parenthood and that their kids have turned out well. I have felt extremely short on patience lately and I don't like the kind of parent I have been recently. And I'm a lazy housekeeper, and Lucy sleeps in her clothes most of the time, and I don't make sure they bathe more than on Sundays before church. Sigh. I just hope in the future I can say, like Momma S, that my kids still think I'm a good mom and love each other.
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Re: The Parenting Thread

Postby quidscribis » Thu 22 May, 2014 06:47 pm

Seriously, you both need to stop beating yourselves up. Being a good parent is hard work.

You love your kids. You made sure your kids knew you loved them. You kept them clothed and fed and out of harms way to the extent you possibly can. You did and are doing your best within the limitations of your own experiences, physical health, and so on. No, you're not perfect, and yes, there are things you could possibly have done better, but so what? That's true for everyone in everything. You are and were still good parents. So just accept that and move on already. :)


Edited to add: Also, I have bad parents. They didn't love me. They didn't protect me from harm. They didn't raise me with love, kindness, respect, or care. I KNOW what bad parenting looks like. Intimately. I repeat, you do not fit that description in any way. I would know. :)
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Re: The Parenting Thread

Postby KMD » Thu 22 May, 2014 07:32 pm

Sorry lisapants, I've been meaning you send you my email, and it's just been crazytimes here and ARGH! I will get to it though. But I don't feel like I should be giving anyone advice, unless they do the exact opposite of what I've done... Wow, what is it with all the moms on here being so down on ourselves? Post-Mother's Day guilt? :lol:

Thanks GAF for the perspective. When you're in the middle of the day-to-day struggles with the little fellas, it's nice to know there's hope, and one day they will grow up and be fine, and all of this will just be a memory.

QuidScrib, when I hear things like that, it makes my blood boil! You are a wonderful person, and very deserving of love, and I'm sorry you didn't have that from your Mom, but I'm glad you've found it in your adult life.

We've had ups and downs here in the ongoing saga of my kid's life. A few weeks ago we got a phone call from the school that my son was telling the teacher and other students that he hated himself and wanted to kill himself, and it had everyone concerned. So we took him back to the psychiatrist who switched his anger med from bedtime to mornings. That seems to be helping, there's a lot less "I want to die!!" and I can see little glimpses of his old self confidence coming back. But I don't know if it's due to the meds, or the end of the school year approaching. He's told me a couple times now that he's glad he won't be going to school here next year. And I know there 's been a girl bullying him at the daycare. So, I just can't wait now to buy a house and get us moved. The hubs has a phone interview with one place (Starts with a G, ends in an oogle) tomorrow, and a face to face interview at another, less high profile, more local place next week. So much is just up in the air right now, I want something settled. Well, I do have one thing, I guess. Ben was formally accepted at the Montessori school, now all we need to do is finish paperwork and pay the application fee and first payment. I'm so glad, I really think he will do much better at this school. But that does mean we have to get into a house by Aug. 1. The search intensifies!

Forgot to add, we got a call from the school today. He flipped out because, well, still not 100%sure why, but he threw a chair and books and they needed us to come get him, because basically everyone was too busy to deal with him. The school counselor was giving makeup WESTESTs, the principal had 2 IEPs scheduled, and his teacher has lost her student teacher to end of year, so she's struggling handling her entire class by herself. So, good news is, they didn't suspend him. But we did have to drop everything and come get him. He hasn't had a flip-out likevthat in months, so now I'm racking my brain trying to figure out WHY.
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Re: The Parenting Thread

Postby SDR » Fri 23 May, 2014 03:25 pm

You may never know why. The meds can help, and when they are working they seem miraculous, but our bodies and brains sometimes need more or less or whatever on a given day.

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Re: The Parenting Thread

Postby quidscribis » Fri 23 May, 2014 07:23 pm

KMD, you're very sweet. :)

Like SDR said, you may never know.

It's not the same, but it may have similarities. With my EDS, how it affects me on any given day can vary wildly. I can have a day where I'm lightheaded to the point of needing to sit down every three minutes or I'll pass out. Or I'll have a knee that suddenly gives out. Or I'll be sick to my stomach or can't handle the smell of any food. Or I'll get a lot of muscle spasms or neuropathic pain. It's not necessarily anything I did or that I can point to. Maybe it's something I ate (I do have a lot of food and environmental sensitivities) that's somehow reacting to something else, but really, I have no idea. It's just that how I'm affected can vary a lot from day to day, even hour to hour.

I know that EDS isn't the only health problem that's like that. It could be that your son is similarly like that. It could be pollen in the air or something in his diet or too much chlorine in the water or blinky lights or nothing at all.

I know it sucks not being able to figure things out so you can prevent this sort of thing from happening again. If there's a trigger, I hope you find it. But if you don't, don't beat yourself up over it. This stuff can be incredibly complex.
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Re: The Parenting Thread

Postby KMD » Fri 23 May, 2014 08:20 pm

Yeah, deep down I know I can't get an answer to Why every time something goes wrong. But what kind of Mom would I be if I didn't ask the question?

In other news, he had a great day today, and when getting ready for bed, told me he thinks he is "good" and smart. Which is a huge improvement over a few weeks ago.
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Re: The Parenting Thread

Postby quidscribis » Sat 24 May, 2014 07:01 pm

Yeah, I get that. You've got to ask the question. And you've got to do the work to try to figure things out as best as things can be figured out. That's part of what makes you a good mom.
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Re: The Parenting Thread

Postby Momma Snider » Sun 25 May, 2014 11:28 pm

Ha. I just remembered something yesterday that shows I was a great mom. My daughter, Laura, used to have two imaginary friends named Lula and Suey, and they were always together, and she even knew what house they lived in, about a mile from us. One time we drove over there to pick them up so they could go to Disneyland with us, even though it was totally out of the way. And none of her brothers complained a bit. So I was either a great mother or some kind of wacko.

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Re: The Parenting Thread

Postby SDR » Mon 26 May, 2014 12:11 am

The best part? You can be a great mother *and* some kind of wacko! Not that you are, just noting one does not necessarily exclude the other. :)

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Re: The Parenting Thread

Postby quidscribis » Mon 26 May, 2014 07:07 pm

Definitely wacko, but the good kind. :P
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Re: The Parenting Thread

Postby Momma Snider » Tue 27 May, 2014 08:31 am

I seriously always wanted an imaginary friend when I was little; I just didn't know how to get one. I think I was too logical and reasonable, even at a very early age, and not very creative. I pretended things, but I always knew I was pretending, and knew that everyone else knew it, too.

My little sister had an imaginary friend named Mary Pear. And Laura's, Lula and Suey, first showed up in nursery at church. I think their names came from my nickname, Louie. They never did anything wrong, like some do, but Laura would tell us what they were feeling when she was too shy to talk about her own feelings.

So of course we took them to Disneyland!

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Re: The Parenting Thread

Postby GenAdFemale » Tue 27 May, 2014 02:21 pm

My little brother had a couple of imaginary friends and, as older siblings, we thought it was hilarious. We indulged the little brother's wackiness just so we could hear more stories of Jimmy Alaskate Hockey and D'jum. We would have insisted that our mother drive out of her way by many miles so we could "pick them up and take them with us." Mostly my little brother used his imaginary friends as surrogates to live out the life he wanted to. Jimmy Alaskate Hockey (never shortened his name) and D'jum didn't like going to church and got to go off on all kinds of adventures (that my brother couldn't do because he had to go to church). My brother could safely say what it was he didn't like about church (or whatever activity he couldn't get out of) through them because he knew he wasn't going to get in trouble for what "somebody else" thought, for example "Jimmy Alaskate Hockey thinks church is boring."

I work for this brother now, and he is just as crazy as he was when he was a kid, although the imaginary friends are dead and gone.


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