The Parenting Thread

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KareNin
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Re: The Parenting Thread

Postby KareNin » Sat 09 Nov, 2013 09:18 am

My feelings exactly, quid.
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Momma Snider
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Re: The Parenting Thread

Postby Momma Snider » Wed 13 Nov, 2013 01:07 pm

A friend of mine, who teaches Spanish in HIGH SCHOOL, posted on Facebook yesterday that she had been teaching a student to tell time that day. And the mom is mad that he's not getting an A in the class, because he's going to West Point.

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Re: The Parenting Thread

Postby quidscribis » Wed 13 Nov, 2013 06:08 pm

Um, good for him?
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Re: The Parenting Thread

Postby Momma Snider » Thu 14 Nov, 2013 10:12 am

I don't know if the issue is that he might not get into West Point after all if this mean teacher doesn't give him an A that he has't earned, or that he deserves an A because he is West Point material otherwise. I don't know if West Point does boot camp anything like the Marine Corps does boot camp, but can you imagine getting there without knowing how to tell time? The drill instructor would have a great time with that.

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Re: The Parenting Thread

Postby Momma Snider » Thu 14 Nov, 2013 02:59 pm

Parent has been demanding help with her second-grader, because he misbehaves at home as well as at school. Was offered free counseling from a company that works with the school district, but is only available for kids who have MediCal. (No private insurance accepted.) Our community liaison helped the mom fill out all the applications for MediCal, which is not even her job, and made the referral. Called the mom this morning to say he had been accepted and they would be contacting her to arrange for the counseling. Mom was all excited that it was finally happening. A half hour later, when the counselor called her to set up a home visit, she practically hung up on them, horrified that they would expect to come to her home. So no counseling for that boy, and the problems will continue, but at least the secrets are safe.

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Re: The Parenting Thread

Postby KMD » Fri 15 Nov, 2013 08:08 am

I was going back & re-reading this thread, and lisapants, my son did the same thing last year with the whole putting everything in his mouth! I mean, he had done it since birth, but it was really starting to be a problem last year. All his pencils look like they had been attacked by beavers, his t-shirts all went in his mouth, stretching and ruining the necks. The scariest was, he would chew on the cord to his headphones, usually while they were plugged in. He would short them out, he went through 3 pairs! And I don' want to think about the metals & chemicals in there, not to mention germs from the school! There was one time at the grocery store, they were stocking the shelves, and there were these big bags in the aisles, and my son sat on one that had split open, and this white powder had spilled out. And my kid stuck his finger in it and licked it! And I freaked, because I couldn't tell if it was flour or dish washing powder or rat poison! He just assumed it was sugar, but it sure didn't look like sugar to me! I screamed at him so loud & spangled and explained how dangerous that was. And, ever since, he has stopped sticking things in his mouth. I don't know if it was my freak out, or if he just matured and grew out of it. I'm just glad it is over!

Second six weeks is over, and he did still get an F in deportment, but it was only 3 points from a D, and all his other grades were an A. So, all is well here on the home front. He's driving us a little bit crazy, not following directions the first time we give them, but compared to how it's been in the past, I can handle this. Just looking forward to Thanksgiving and a whole week off work and with my family.
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Re: The Parenting Thread

Postby Momma Snider » Wed 04 Dec, 2013 11:42 am

Back to the silly: A mom called yesterday to talk to her daughter's 1st grade teacher, saying she couldn't do the homework because there were 13 spelling words and only nine lines.

I gave my uneducated suggestion that she use another sheet of paper.

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Re: The Parenting Thread

Postby Momma Snider » Wed 18 Dec, 2013 04:05 pm

A mom just called to say her son spent the night with a friend last night, and she wants him to go home with that friend. But she hasn't talked to the friend's mom about it, and it turns out that mom had asked someone else to pick up HER kid, so we're stuck with the one. The mom is at least an hour away, even if she was inclined to come back, which is doesn't sound like she is. It wouldn't surprise me if she had court today and ended up going to jail.

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Re: The Parenting Thread

Postby quidscribis » Wed 18 Dec, 2013 07:17 pm

Momma, you totally have my sympathy for all the stuff you have to deal with.

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Re: The Parenting Thread

Postby KMD » Wed 18 Dec, 2013 09:11 pm

Holy cow Momma! How could a Mom do that to her kid? It just shocks me, how some parents can be so... Nonchalant about their kids? My sister told me, back when I had just had a baby, that she has a network of friends and they are all able to pick up each other's kids, and I would need this too. And in reality, she's the only SAHM in the bunch, so she is often getting last minute calls from moms, to pick up their kids, and hang on to them for a while. I wonder, how do the kids know which car to get into in the afternoon?

I have been having nightmares about my kid, getting lost, separated from me, abducted. Not getting off the bus to gifted, not getting on the van to the daycare... I was actually so worried on Monday, I was crying to my husband about it in the middle of the day. I have officially become paranoid Mommy, and have had several sleepless nights over absolutely baseless worries.

This past week, at my son's school, they did a big Christmas sing. We showed up 45 minutes early, and still had to park down the road, and barely got a seat. This is the parent event at the season. And when the kids came in, all dressed in their best, and sat in the floor in groups, we watched our son, sit in his teacher's lap and cry. He didn't get up & sing with his class. After, we went to his class & found out it was his choice to sit in her lap. He had a bad case of stage freight, and refused to get on stage. Honestly, we were just relieved he wasn't in trouble!
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Re: The Parenting Thread

Postby KMD » Tue 14 Jan, 2014 08:15 pm

Well, let's see, since last posting in this thread, we had 2 weeks of Christmas vacation, followed by one partial day of school, then many snow days. Finally last week things started to get back to normal, and my kid went off his rails! He got frustrated, refused to put his spelling words in ABC order, threw a fit, poked his teacher in the belly with a pencil, told her he hated her, screamed his lungs out, and basically went into a corner and wouldn't calm down. This earned him in-school suspension for the next day. That day, from the moment he woke, he fought me on everything. Wouldn't get out of bed, wouldn't eat breakfast, wouldn't anything. I got him calmed down, into the car, and when we got to the school, he refused to get out! I had to park, we had a talk, and a cry, and he still wouldn't get out. I had to bodily carry him in, all the while he is biting me, punching me in the throat, and screaming at the top of his lungs that I am the worst Mommy ever,and he hates me. I am in tears, carrying him in. His teacher comes over, takes him a little ways off, and tries to calm him down. The principal comes to me, and basically says "I'm new,and I've never worked with your kid before. Whet does he need me to do to calm him down?" And I had no answer for her. We agreed that he needs to do his in school suspension, that an out of school suspension is what he wanted, to be at home, not at school. He's had too much time at home, with the vacation & snow days, and now thinks going to school is optional. The teacher brought him back, and all he would do is cling to me & cry that he just wants Mommy. Eventually the principal got him to go with her, and in the end, he had a lovely day.

That was Friday. Yesterday was event-free, mostly because half the day he was at Gifted. He did lose his backpack, with his agenda & grade card in it. He felt like someone stole it, and that upset him. Turns out another kid with the identical backpack picked it up by mistake. Today the teacher tried to change where everyone sits, and bring Ben more into the group, and sat him next to a girl who is his friend, but she wants to be his girlfriend, and he doesn't, and we had a huge blowup about that over Christmas. So, when the teacher wouldn't move him, he threw a fit. Well, more accurately, he threw a chair. So, now he has after school detention today & tomorrow, and we have to have a meeting next week with the principal, teacher & school counselor.

So, how is everyone else doing??
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Re: The Parenting Thread

Postby Momma Snider » Tue 14 Jan, 2014 08:20 pm

After reading that, KMD, I'm FINE. No problems at all!

That has to be so hard! I wish I had even a tiny hint of a suggestion, but I don't.

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Re: The Parenting Thread

Postby bCurt » Wed 15 Jan, 2014 12:28 am

Our 12 year-old has big issues with school but it mostly out of frustration with his learning disabilities. We've had so many incidents over the years. The search for answers is still ongoing. I feel for his struggles but then I am also extremely frustrated with how he treats us and others at times. There is a "breaking in period" with each teacher he has which is dreaded each school year. He often becomes good pals with his teachers once they get to know each other but until that happens, oy!

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Re: The Parenting Thread

Postby KMD » Fri 31 Jan, 2014 10:49 am

We had the meeting today at my son's school. They're threatening the next time he blows up, they'll be talking expulsion.
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Re: The Parenting Thread

Postby Momma Snider » Fri 31 Jan, 2014 10:54 am

Is he able to understand that, KMD? On the one hand, maybe understanding would help him stay in control. On the other hand, if he only partly understands it, the part where he doesn't have to go to school anymore, he could manipulate it. What a heartache for you! I don't know what to say except I hope it will somehow resolve, and I'll pray for you.

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Re: The Parenting Thread

Postby quidscribis » Fri 31 Jan, 2014 08:30 pm

KMD, that has to be so frustrating. I'm so sorry. :(
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Re: The Parenting Thread

Postby KMD » Sat 01 Feb, 2014 08:56 pm

Sorry that was so brief, it needed more details, but time was not on my side.

Monday he actually had school, and it was gifted day, he was so excited to go. Then, about an hour in, he was supposed to get on the computer, and the other kids said No, he couldn't, and he blew up. Threw chairs, flung his glasses, slammed the door, kicked the wall repeatedly. It took 45 min to calm him down. I had to come & pick him up, the gifted teacher said this was the worst she's ever seen him. So, I took him back to his regular school, and a snowstorm was moving in, but we needed to pick up his coat and homework. I saw the principal, and made an appt for Friday to talk about his bad behavior. Tuesday was a snow day, no school, but the gifted teacher did her paperwork, and on the form wrote that my kid said he wanted to "blow up the school". She never said that to me, BTW, when I came to pick him up & we talked. Anyway, when the report got to the principal, with that on it, now it's more serious. He's threatened the safety of the entire school. So an "expert" from the school board got invited to the meeting. The expert said, very bluntly, that the events were getting more violent (which his teacher tried to butt in that he's been great the entire first semester, but she didn't want to hear it. And that what we have been doing "isn't working" and we need to take him to a pediatrician & make sure there's nothing physically wrong, and take him to a psychiatrist, and get him on ADHD drugs, or antidepressants, and we had better take these actions before our next meeting in a month. And if there's another event, her boss will be there instead of her, and the topic will be expulsion. I tried to reason with her that it's been the lack of school for holidays & snow days, and she does not care. She also told me the fact that he's only 7 doesn't matter, they have expelled kindergartners before. Kindergarteners!

So, basically I have cried more in the past 48 hours than at any other time in my life. I am really regretting that I let our therapist talk me out of ADHD drugs back in November, and doing a lot of research on what other schools I can move him to if the expulsion happens. Because I can't get all these appointments over the weekend, and if he blows up on Monday, it's all over. He's stressing out too, he doesn't understand fully why Mommy is so sad (I'm trying to hide the tears from him, but sometimes they just come!) and he knows that it involves him. But he also knows he can't control the anger. He's having anxiety from all this, doesn't want to leave his school & his friends, and his mouth has broken out in ulcers. It is breaking my heart. I haven't slept in 2 nights.

I am feeling like our school board doesn't care, at all. He's a problem, and they know how to deal with this type of problem. Go through their procedure, check off the boxes on their forms, until they can legally push him out and make him someone else's problem. All in the name of keeping the schools safe from my little mini wannabe terrorist, who has no access to guns or explosives, just an explosive temper. And I don't want him to get upset and another kid get accidentally hurt. Of course not. And I don't think my kid deserves special treatment. I'm just appalled that this is their solution to this problem! The principal mentioned that so far he's only been suspended for 2 days this year, and the woman said kids usually get 10 days suspension before expulsion, but had a glint in her eye that said she wasn't going to let that stand in her way. She wants my kid drugged into submission or out, and she is going to get her way. At this point, my main recourse is to pull him from this school into a private school, or we move to another county, out of her jurisdiction, or we homeschool. We don't like any of those options, but they're the only ones we've got.
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Re: The Parenting Thread

Postby Momma Snider » Sat 01 Feb, 2014 11:16 pm

What reasons did the therapist give for not putting him on meds? I don't think it would be drugging him into submission, but could give him the help he needs to learn to control himself. I'm sure he doesn't enjoy being out of control any more than the other kids, or the teachers, enjoy dealing with it. It just seems to me like you've tried just about everything else, and if he needs the meds, he needs them.

I totally sympathize with you. We have a boy at my school, a kindergartner, whose mom and I have built a friendship. The boy sounds very much like your son, except not necessarily gifted. Sometimes it seems like the mom can't do anything right as far as the teacher is concerned. A bunch of the other parents in the class got together to complain to the principal about him. She's very supportive and wouldn't let them push her around, but it did give her the ammunition to insist that the district provide him with a one-on-one aide. I don't know if that's even a possibility in your state and district, but it has worked wonders with this little guy. He still will probably get meds as soon as his doctor has finished trying to pass everything off on the school, but in the meantime the aide works with him and helps to keep him on track. She has a reward system that he participates in, and she's really firm with him. (I always hear her giving the parents the report every day when he's going home.)

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Re: The Parenting Thread

Postby KMD » Sun 02 Feb, 2014 08:10 pm

The therapist talked me out of it by saying he was improving, and the drugs have awful side effects, and after a while they stop working, so you go to a higher dose, then higher, then you switch meds and it's just an ever escalating mess. And he'll become dependent on them, rather than learning to control himself.

I love the idea of him getting an aide to help him stay focused on his work! I'll ask about that possibility at our next meeting. Thanks!
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Re: The Parenting Thread

Postby Lady Celtic » Mon 03 Feb, 2014 12:01 pm

KMD, that sounds so difficult. I'm sorry the board is being so hard to work with!

If you think that homeschooling him might be a better option (or ends up becoming Plan B), you might look into Connections Academy. If there's a school district in your state that runs it, it's free, and it takes the burden of planning and grading off of you. It's also extremely flexible. We're loving it--my eldest is thriving, yet I don't have to figure out a curriculum or be the bad guy for making her work! If you want to check it out: Connections Academy

(Forgive me if I've already mentioned it. My memory is definitely sieve-like...)
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