I am sad

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KMD
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Re: I am sad

Postby KMD » Tue 22 Sep, 2015 12:02 am

The cousin mentioned above finally passed. She had 2 daughters, and since they've watched her deteriorate over the past year from cancer (it was liver, not lung), they were prepared for it, and are handling her passing well. It was a blessing to see her go and end the struggle. I'd say the gaggle of grandkids she left behind aren't doing quite so well with it.
Living with a cat is like living with a small, very crazy fat man.

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Momma Snider
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Re: I am sad

Postby Momma Snider » Tue 22 Sep, 2015 09:37 am

I think in a superficial way it's harder on those who are not quite as close to the one who dies, because they don't see the daily struggle and pain and deterioration. But then in the deeper way, obviously it's harder for those who ARE involved with the person day to day, because the absence is a constant reminder.

I still miss my mom a lot. I dreamed about her last night, that she had lost some weight (which she was always trying to do) and was giving me her fat clothes. Okay, so that was probably more a dream about me hating that I'm gaining weight than about my mom, but whatever.

When I miss her, though, if I think of her later years (she had her first stroke at 55 and died at 65) I feel more guilt than anything else, because even though I lived a block away and did a lot for her, I didn't call her often enough, or sit and visit with her enough. I think of that often when I start feeling left out of the lives of my kids.

Interestingly, I don't miss my dad much, and he died more recently. Partly it was because I never was as close to him as to my mom, because he wasn't an affectionate dad when I was a kid, but probably also partly because he had a chance to get old.

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KMD
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Re: I am sad

Postby KMD » Tue 22 Sep, 2015 10:03 pm

It's all weird for me, this aunt passing, not because I miss her, I haven't seen her in years. But it's another person my mom grew up with that is now dead. It is this painful reminder that even though right now she seems to be in good health, she is getting to the point where everyone else is dead, her time must be coming soon. She had 6 brothers and sisters, only one is still alive. Many of their spouses are also gone, her childhood friends are gone. My dad is older, but he is like Superman, indestructible. A few years ago his appendix ruptured, in his 60's. He was on no meds at the time, this was the first time in his life he had ever been hospitalized. His blood pressure is better than mine, and I'm 30 years younger and on meds for it! He is going to be fine and live to a ripe old age. Almost all his siblings are still alive. Shoot, his mother just passed a couple years ago, well in her 90's! He is going to be fine. And I just hate thinking about them in this way. He is going to outlive her, by possibly 20 years! That freaks me out. I used to think he would never make it without her, he has never done anything like cook or clean, but since he retired, he has picked all that up, and is actually pretty good at them. He'll be fine. But her, I worry about. She had a cancer scare a few years back, turned out to be an incompetent tech who saw a growth in a mammogram that wasn't there. But it freaked us all out. I... I am babbling at this point. Deep down I am just a scared little girl who doesn't want to lose her mommy.
Living with a cat is like living with a small, very crazy fat man.

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SDR
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Re: I am sad

Postby SDR » Tue 22 Sep, 2015 10:24 pm

I recall being at my grandmother's house once (with the rest of my family) when she got a call and broke into tears at the news that yet another of her siblings had passed away. It was (at that point) down to just her and one other. Not that this really relates to you feeling stress about the potential loss of a parent, but maybe words will distract you. Though probably not since I pointed it out.


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