I am sad

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GenAdFemale
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I am sad

Postby GenAdFemale » Wed 20 Nov, 2013 04:50 pm

Not for myself, but for my mom. Her last remaining sibling (the other 5 have already died) passed away today. The two of them were great friends, as well as sisters. I'm also sad for 9 of my cousins who are now without their wonderful, hilarious, lively mother. My Aunt Dorothy could have spent years bemoaning the difficulties of life that she suffered, but she would rather tell jokes and find the funny things in life. I will miss that old lady at my children's graduation parties and wedding receptions.

This is kind of personal, thank you for indulging me.

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Momma Snider
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Re: I am sad

Postby Momma Snider » Wed 20 Nov, 2013 04:55 pm

I'm so sorry! Life is hard sometimes. I hope you all feel the comfort you need.

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Re: I am sad

Postby quidscribis » Wed 20 Nov, 2013 06:29 pm

I'm so sorry for yours and their losses. It's hard losing someone you love. :(
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bCurt
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Re: I am sad

Postby bCurt » Sat 23 Nov, 2013 05:15 am

My Great Grandmother survived all six of her brothers and sisters and one of her daughters (my grandmother). She was the third oldest of her family. I think it was one of the hardest things to endure, watching so many loved ones (she also lost a lot of friends) pass on. I guess it is a given when you live to be 96 but I don't think knowing that makes it any easier.

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Re: I am sad

Postby GenAdFemale » Sat 23 Nov, 2013 10:08 pm

Thanks, Momma and Quid and bCurt. bCurt, yeah it was kinda weird at the funeral today, many of my cousins approached me to ask how my mom was doing, being the last one of the siblings. Even Dorothy's own girls were asking about how my mom was doing. My own siblings and I have to step up our consideration of Mom. Many cousins consider her a surrogate mom so I know she will have a lot of support. But still, none of us can replace a sister, one who knows all the experiences, all the in jokes, etc.

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Momma Snider
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Re: I am sad

Postby Momma Snider » Mon 14 Apr, 2014 09:25 am

Here's a very sad thing. One of our very favorite young men from when Rocky was first the bishop and then the YM president is now married with kids. On Saturday his mother-in-law was watching the kids, and the two-year-old got into the pool and drowned. So very sad anyway, but even worse, the MIL used to have a drinking problem and apparently backslid and was not functioning properly.

So the parents have to put some of their grief on the back burner so they can forgive Grandma and try to help her forgive herself. I don't know what kind of relationship they have with her, but I'm sure they didn't know she was drinking again, or they never would have left the kids with her. And while I know there's always going to be the "if only" element in any accident, this one is doubly hard that way.

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Re: I am sad

Postby GenAdFemale » Tue 15 Apr, 2014 08:04 am

That is a very sad thing indeed. I hope everyone in that family can get the emotional, spiritual, psychological help they need.

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Re: I am sad

Postby SDR » Tue 15 Apr, 2014 02:13 pm

I realize in no way does the pain and suffering my dog has gone through lately with the double pelvic fracture (and more recently an abscess that we're fighting with Superantibiotics with powers and abilities far beyond those of mortal antibiotics) compare to the loss of a child. I only bring it up because given the amount of emotion and fear I've had over his well being, I'm terrified if I ever had to deal with an actual child of mine going through the same or worse. I'm sure in the end I'd handle it, but at this moment in time I half believe I'd have to be institutionalized.

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Re: I am sad

Postby Momma Snider » Tue 15 Apr, 2014 03:36 pm

I get you, Scott! When Andy died I really wondered how anyone could ever keep on living when they lose a child. I have to believe that the Spirit (the Comforter) blesses parents in ways that outsiders don't feel. Not that it eliminates the pain at all, but I wonder if the Denial phase is actually an outpouring of the Spirit, comforting the soul while the brain catches up.

Also, with Andy, I thought that with a person, you can try to convince yourself that there is a plan for them, but I couldn't see how even God had a plan for a dumb little Chihuahua. On the other hand, maybe he's smart in the spirit world.

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Re: I am sad

Postby SDR » Tue 22 Apr, 2014 04:06 pm

All Dogs Go To Heaven!

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Re: I am sad

Postby Jersey Girl » Tue 22 Apr, 2014 05:13 pm

We've been dealing with sick dog trauma too. Our dog has been diagnosed with megaesophogus and myasthenia gravis. The megaesophogus makes eating not fun for her and laborious for the humans (she has to be fed smaller meals five times a day in an upright position) the MG just makes it hard for the muscles to move since it's neurological but there are expensive drugs for her MG. She almost died of aspiration pneumonia a few weeks ago. When I got the call to go home to put her to sleep, I was bursting in tears thinking "My poor little doggie!" My mom refused to put her down saying she could take care of her and then miracles happened and she's still alive. She responded remarkably well to her antibiotics when the vet told me she didn't know if she would live long enough to let them work.

I think with dogs they let us know when it's over for them. They'll go to heaven and it's our job as humans to make it there too. :) Although compared to Andy, my dog has some higher purpose to comfort to old people.

I've never had children but this little dog has taught me a lot about the love and sacrifice parents go through. I have limits to the length I'll be willing to go for her compared to a child but I just want her to be comfortable and happy like any parent. I'm so sorry for your friend's loss Momma. It sounds horrible.
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Re: I am sad

Postby KMD » Wed 23 Apr, 2014 07:26 pm

We've been dealing with sick cat drama here. My oldest cat, she's 15, has thyroid issues, and has always been prone to hairballs and the occasional poop outside the box. She's very picky about her food and small, we're talking 6 lbs soaking wet. Well, a couple weeks ago we noticed she was even lighter, and had stopped eating, and was very thirsty, but she wouldn't drink. She'd stick her snout in the water, but wouldn't/couldn't lap it, she'd just come up with a wet muzzle. We got seriously worried about dehydration, and of course it was a weekend, and the vet was closed. That's when we found out the animal hospital in town has closed, no one would see pets on Sundays. So, I used a syringe and squirted water in her mouth, and that helped and got her to Monday, when the hubs could get her to the vet. They said she was very dehydrated, gave her fluids, and bloodwork was showing something else going on, they suspect a tumor on her liver. But she lost 2 more pounds! They said they couldn't do surgery biopsy for the tumor, she wouldn't survive it. And the only place that will do needle biopsy "in the area" is at Virginia Tech, almost a 4 hour car ride away. Which, she's never done well in a car, I don't think she'd survive the trip. So, they sent her home, for us to "make a decision about what we want to do". And we all know what that is code for...

Well, with the extra fluids, she started feeling better, and started drinking and eating again. And she was overly affectionate for a few days (which the hubs took as her "saying goodbye"), but now she's kind of back to her normal, grumpy cat self. She's put back on probably a pound. And she doesn't seem to be in any pain. So, T this point I say pooh to the doctors, and I plan to just let her be, until she either stops eating again, or seems to be in pain. I am really feeling bad for my son, we've had one old cat die, but he was small, he doesn't remember it. And then the kittens last year, but they were only alive 24 hours, they didn't have names yet. But he knows Kiki, she's been in his life, well, for his whole life. This one will hurt. But, it's a pain we all have to experience, isn't it?

And I just haven't been able to post about it before now, after reading Momma's story above. I cannot imagine the pain and grief that family is going through right now. May God give them comfort during this dark time.
Living with a cat is like living with a small, very crazy fat man.

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Re: I am sad

Postby Momma Snider » Wed 20 May, 2015 12:05 pm

Just a quick update on our young friends. They had a baby about a month ago, two days shy of the death date of their little girl. Life goes on, but I know the pain doesn't go away.

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Re: I am sad

Postby KMD » Wed 20 May, 2015 07:19 pm

That is good news! I'm sure they still have the pain of grief, but that will bring some joy to help them find balance.

The kitty I mentioned above got better, hung on for a while, then worse. the thyroid issues were masking kidney issues and when one ailment was under control with drugs, the other took over & made her miserable in other ways. By the end the vet had sent us home with an IV for us to inject fluids into her every night, and she was emaciated, and I took her back the next day and had them put an end to her suffering. On my birthday. this is the second time I've had to do that, and both were on my birthday. I cried, my son cried, we all cried. but, it's been 5 months now, we're all getting along, playing with the other 2 cats in the new house she didn't get to see, and everything is OK.
Living with a cat is like living with a small, very crazy fat man.

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Momma Snider
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Re: I am sad

Postby Momma Snider » Wed 09 Sep, 2015 03:54 pm

I thought I'd go ahead and tell you my sad. My husband's sister, Patt Snider, and his brother's wife, Pat Snider, were both diagnosed with cancer last fall. Patt's was breast cancer, and she did chemo and so far is doing well. Pat's was of unknown origin, but was in the lower abdomen and was pretty bad by the time she went to the doctor. They finally narrowed it down, they think, to a rare form of appendix cancer, which it seems would have been easy, had it shown any symptoms before it spread. But it didn't, and she got really bad, and today her husband is having to disconnect her, pull the plug.

This is their 43rd anniversary.

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SDR
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Re: I am sad

Postby SDR » Wed 09 Sep, 2015 04:21 pm

That's awful. My condolences to them (for what they're worth).

I've never really been exposed to much cancer in my life, but the last few months I've heard of more than ever. The hardest was a childhood friend's 12 year old son who died a few weeks ago. Cancer stinks.

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KMD
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Re: I am sad

Postby KMD » Wed 09 Sep, 2015 07:18 pm

Cancer does stink. My mom is the youngest daughter of 7 kids, she only has one brother left now. 4 of the 5 were all diagnosed with different types of cancer. Her surviving brother has already battled prostate cancer and won, was just diagnosed a couple months ago with leukemia. And her best friend growing up, distant cousin, is dying with lung cancer, she's on hospice now, it won't be much longer.

I often joke that, with my family history, I could go ahead and write my own obituary now, just leave a blank for the date I pass, and a blank before the word cancer, so someone can fill in exactly which type got me. The older I get, the less funny that joke gets...
Living with a cat is like living with a small, very crazy fat man.

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Momma Snider
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Re: I am sad

Postby Momma Snider » Thu 10 Sep, 2015 10:02 am

We don't have much history of cancer in our family, as far as I know, or dementia, either, both of which scare me. My grandma had breast cancer years and years ago, long before she died, at least I assume that's why she had a double mastectomy. I was too young to be told anything. Then my dad had prostate cancer about 20 years before he died, but it was apparently no big deal. I did go to visit him in the hospital, so I know he was there overnight. My husband's family didn't have any, either, except his mom, and that was bad. She had leukemia at 66, and then died only three years later with all kinds of cancer. Other than that and some skin cancer here and there, we are not high-risk. And I'm thankful quite often that all our parents and grandparents escaped the Alzheimer's thing. Our moms both died in their 60s, but our dads and grandparents were all older, and none of them had any kind of dementia except in their very last days, which is very typical.

But then there's the stroke thing. And the diabetes.

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Re: I am sad

Postby quidscribis » Fri 11 Sep, 2015 08:45 pm

We have some cancer in my family - stomach, pancreas, lung - but it's not a dominating force or anything. No, I'm more likely to die of a brain aneurysm. Or just get a brain aneurysm and be brain damaged for the rest of my life. But once we make it to the teens in our family, we tend to live to 90+. My paternal grandmother ended up dying of Lou Gehrig's disease, which she got at 90 or 91 - far, far older than is the norm for that disease.
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Momma Snider
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Re: I am sad

Postby Momma Snider » Mon 14 Sep, 2015 10:24 am

SIL died last night. Her husband had taken her home from the hospital Friday evening, and she was aware that she was home, and was so happy! There is something so sad, to me, about a person going into the hospital not knowing they will never go home again, and then at some point they realize it, and it's sad.

So cancer really stinks. But at least it gives the family a chance to get used to the idea, and when the person is as bad as she was, it's a relief. The son-in-law of an old friend of mine, E Jeffrey Hill, died suddenly of a heart attack the other night, and I can't even begin to imagine the devastation that caused for his wife and kids.


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