And now, for something completely different...

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GenAdFemale
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Re: And now, for something completely different...

Postby GenAdFemale » Wed 19 Feb, 2014 01:42 pm

YOU ARE NOT RESPONSIBLE.
Seriously, you are not. I know the feeling of responsibility when there should be none, though, so I totally understand. You can be sad for the family and the daughter and even the mom, but you did your job. Someone else didn't do hers.

Makes me want to go hug those kids. And my own.

And I am sort of ashamed to admit that I have let sleeping kids lie in a similar situation. But my "excuse" is that the elementary school is only a 2 minute drive from my house. I also felt guilty the whole time I was gone.

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Re: And now, for something completely different...

Postby quidscribis » Wed 19 Feb, 2014 06:48 pm

Momma, you are so not responsible. The only part that you would have some responsibility over, calling the grandma to alert her to the situation, you took care of, and no doubt very quickly. The rest is not on you.
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SDR
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Re: And now, for something completely different...

Postby SDR » Wed 19 Feb, 2014 09:31 pm

Just imagine how bad you might feel if you *didn't* report attendance because "something bad might happen" and suddenly these kids go through life without an education and things are probably far worse than they would have been otherwise. That thought will have one of two effects:

1. You feel better because you realize how much worse off the kids would be if you didn't do your job, or

2. You feel worse because it is a no win scenario.

I'm hoping for #1.

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Re: And now, for something completely different...

Postby bCurt » Thu 20 Feb, 2014 12:25 am

Our 9 year old daughter we adopted this last July was placed in foster care due to an investigation that started with poor attendance at school. Sometimes the poor attendance is a symptom of bigger problems that need to be addressed and are more critical than the attendance issues.

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Re: And now, for something completely different...

Postby SDR » Thu 20 Feb, 2014 02:34 am

bCurt wrote:Our 9 year old daughter we adopted this last July was placed in foster care due to an investigation that started with poor attendance at school. Sometimes the poor attendance is a symptom of bigger problems that need to be addressed and are more critical than the attendance issues.


I assume / hope you mean you adopted her after she was placed in foster care etc? Because that makes sense, but it's not how I read it at first.

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Momma Snider
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Re: And now, for something completely different...

Postby Momma Snider » Thu 20 Feb, 2014 11:39 am

I think that's one of the more crucial parts of the attendance laws, because so often serious attendance issues do indicate drug use or abuse or neglect.

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Re: And now, for something completely different...

Postby SDR » Thu 20 Feb, 2014 04:31 pm

School attendance / home schooling were a couple of the big reasons that we wound up with custody of Stanley. I'm not anti-home-schooling. They were *great* at the home part, just not the school part. {wry grin}

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Re: And now, for something completely different...

Postby Momma Snider » Thu 20 Feb, 2014 04:49 pm

It seems to me that it takes a whole lot more self-discipline to do home schooling than to get your kid up and ready to go to school every morning. I never could have done it. I would also have been much better at the "home" part than the "school" part. I'd have had the personal education, but not the structure needed to do a good job. I admire those who do it right, although why they'd want to is beyond me! :)

Every once in a while a parent here threatens to home school because they get mad at the teacher or the principal or the other kids or the attendance board, but those types always end up coming back. Not until the child has lost another six months or so of education, though.

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Re: And now, for something completely different...

Postby KMD » Thu 20 Feb, 2014 08:29 pm

When talking to our therapist about my son's problems at school, I suggested one option for us might be homeschooling. And he said "oh, you don't want to do that. You both seem like relatively sane people. You have to be crazy to homeschool." All said with a smile on his face, because we know his wife home schools their (8 or 9) kids. Then he said "No, seriously, I don't recommend it."

I respect those who can homeschool and do it right. I just don't think I am nearly patient enough to do it. Then again, before if had a kid, I used to think I never would have a kid, because I'd be a lousy mom.
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Re: And now, for something completely different...

Postby bCurt » Fri 21 Feb, 2014 12:40 am

I assume / hope you mean you adopted her after she was placed in foster care etc? Because that makes sense, but it's not how I read it at first.



I can see how that sentence may be interpreted that way. Oops. We adopted her through foster care. She's a good, smart student so it is a shame she wasn't getting to class much before she went into foster care.

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Re: And now, for something completely different...

Postby SDR » Fri 21 Feb, 2014 01:54 am

Indeed. It's sad to see opportunities being squandered, though I guess you probably didn't see that while it was actively happening. Were you the first foster family or had she been in the system for a time before?

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Re: And now, for something completely different...

Postby bCurt » Sat 22 Feb, 2014 12:53 pm

She was in the system for a year. The situation was complicated by multiple half-siblings. She was placed in a home with an older half-sister (4 years older) who eventually went to her father in Minnesota. She was then with another older half-sister (8 years older) who had largely taken care of her when her parents were occupied with other things. This half-sister, however, was in a different program run by a private contractor. She had been doing drugs (imagine her following in her parents footsteps?). The family the half-sister was with took in teenagers and when it looked like parental rights would be terminated and adoption would be the outcome, they didn't want to adopt her so we got the call. She was with us four months when parental rights were terminated and has now been with us for over a year.

Sad part is she has a full-blooded baby brother who was placed in a different home immediately upon birth. This happened during her second placement. Her baby brother's family wasn't willing to take in our daughter-to-be at the time and DCFS (our CPS) wasn't willing to move him from the home he had been in for less than 6 months. So, she is separated from her full-blooded sibling despite the proclaimed efforts of DCFS to keep children together whenever possible.

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Re: And now, for something completely different...

Postby bCurt » Sat 22 Feb, 2014 12:56 pm

A lot of damage is often done before a child is removed. Rarely is the abuse caught early and removal an outcome at that time.

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Re: And now, for something completely different...

Postby Momma Snider » Fri 28 Feb, 2014 04:43 pm

I just read in the paper about a pair of foster parents who were arrested because they apparently sprayed that freezing aerosol stuff all over a three-year-old. She has 2nd degree chemical burns over 80% of her body. These poor kids who escape from horrible situations and end up in even more horrible situations. I'm so thankful for good foster parents who can give the love those poor kids need.

Completely different topic: my friend's daughter lives in a fairly new house on a steep hillside. We are experiencing very heavy rains today (and I love it!) but the husband and his father, when they moved in, decided they didn't like the drainage culvert in their backyard, so they took out the concrete and filled it in. Today the backyard is about 8" deep in water, including the pool. You look out the window and can't even see the pool. What a mess, and what a couple of know-it-all dummies! And we're expecting a couple more inches of rain over the weekend!

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Re: And now, for something completely different...

Postby quidscribis » Mon 03 Mar, 2014 01:11 am

Yeah. If there are drainage culverts, they're usually there for a reason.

Even with them, when we get heavy rains in Sri Lanka, they're filled to overflowing and the streets are covered, sometimes to the point of being unusable. Good thing we're homebodies.
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bCurt
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Re: And now, for something completely different...

Postby bCurt » Tue 04 Mar, 2014 12:54 am

I just read in the paper about a pair of foster parents who were arrested because they apparently sprayed that freezing aerosol stuff all over a three-year-old. She has 2nd degree chemical burns over 80% of her body. These poor kids who escape from horrible situations and end up in even more horrible situations. I'm so thankful for good foster parents who can give the love those poor kids need.


There are some bad apples and then there are rotten to the core apples. Can't say I'm thrilled with some foster parents here but there are none that would I think could do such horrible things. The few that commit such atrocities give foster parents as a whole a bad name in the eyes of some.

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Re: And now, for something completely different...

Postby Momma Snider » Tue 04 Mar, 2014 10:27 am

That's so true. Thank goodness for every horrible one there are probably hundreds who are wonderful.

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Re: And now, for something completely different...

Postby Momma Snider » Mon 28 Jul, 2014 11:21 am

Remember when I had the burden of my dad's house and all the junk, and we finally got it cleaned up and had problems with renters, and then we finally sold it in January? Remember that? Well, the new owner has it for sale again, for 2 1/2 times what she paid. There are pictures on Zillow, if you're interested, 415 East Hill St. Lake Elsinore CA. She has done a lot of cosmetic work on the inside, but puttin' a dress on a pig don't make it a lady. It appears she's removed the stove and put in a dishwasher. My dad always said the plumbing wasn't good enough for a garbage disposal or a dishwasher, but that might have been because he didn't see the need for either one, since he never had anything to do with dishes or garbage.

Anyway, I hope she makes a profit, but I will be surprised if she comes anywhere near her asking price.

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Re: And now, for something completely different...

Postby lilcis » Mon 28 Jul, 2014 11:47 am

Wow, she's being very optimisitic in her pricing! Of course, she's already dropped it $100K since it was first listed. :?
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Re: And now, for something completely different...

Postby Momma Snider » Mon 28 Jul, 2014 02:27 pm

I don't think she can get away with saying it's three bedrooms, either. There are two, although you have to walk through one of them to get to the only bathroom, and there's one that was always used as a bedroom, but it doesn't have a closet, which we were told means it's not a bedroom. It also no longer has a window to the outside, since my dad built a shed next to it. I noticed they didn't show that room in the pictures, either.

It will be interesting to see what happens. Overall, I'm still glad to be out of it. Not my circus, not my monkey, as they say on Facebook.


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