got this e-mail from a friend who received it from a friend of the author. or something like that. anyway, it sounds like a typical sacrament meeting to me, but told in a pretty funny way:
It all went horribly wrong when my daughter Scarlett farted during Sacrament.
Not only did the child fart like a fifty-year-old retired sailor. She then pointed her finger at Mark and screamed "Daddy farted!" Because Mama taught her long ago that little girls don't do things like that. But if they DO, then blame the nearest man or animal.
So, at this point, I'm very seriously on the floor pretending to get something out of my purse, but very obviously snorting and shaking uncontrollably. Mark is hunched over the seat, because he's too big to fit on the floor with me. Scarlett is beet red, and continuing to scream "I didn't do it!"
Zack took this opportunity to escape, really the only intelligent option. But, once I'd reasonably composed myself, I noticed him up at that white, lacy table thing off to the left. He was pointing to a young man who looked terrified. I ran up just in time to hear Zack say, "....sandwich!" I can only imagine.
Rather than make an early exit, which would only have drawn more attention, we stuck it out. We should have just called it a morning.
A little old lady arrived late in the proceedings. She was ROCKIN' this knitted sweater, and I mentioned to Mark that Sara could probably make that for me.
That was when he decided to take a snapshot of the woman with his cell phone camera. Oh, not once--real quick-like and sneaky. He did it TWICE. Commenting after the first one, "Not close enough. And that sweater is FLY!"
At the end of the morning, after spending an hour getting kicked by a baby, I went to the nursery to pick up Zack. I found him at the back of the room. The adults had apparently given up on him. He was standing on top of a "kitchen" with his arms in the air, screaming "MY MOUNTAIN!!!!" I saw him from the back. And when I called his name, he turned around, the most evil of grins on his face, and a sign around his neck that read "Jesus Loves Zack".
No one else had to wear a sign.
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