Hilarious Resurrection Theory

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Durnesque
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Hilarious Resurrection Theory

Postby Durnesque » Sun 01 Oct, 2006 01:57 pm

So, in Life Teen (My church's teen group), we were talking about the 5 fingers of doubt (five things people say to try and dissprove the Resurrection) the fourth one was this:

When on the Cross, Jesus fainted. He was poked with a spear, but didn't wake up, and so was taken down, wrapped, and put in the tomb which was sealed with a large boulder and gaurded by a soldier. Then sometime in the night, Jesus woke with his wounds healed enough for him to get up, push the boulder away, and sneak past the gaurd.

Ridiculous yeah? Considering cruxifiction was perfected by the Romans and made for the sole purpose of killing someone. Not to mention the fact that it's highly unlikely anyone would survive being speared so badly blood and water (most likely fluid probably from an enflamed or damaged chest cavity) poured out. And explain to me how he would unwrap himself, or did he just hop away?

Either way, it made me laugh at the very funny image it put in my head.
Imagine: Jesus sneaking away laughing, "hee hee hee, I think I'll play a joke on the world tonight. Ha ha" *sneak sneak sneak*

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Momma Snider
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Postby Momma Snider » Sun 01 Oct, 2006 02:29 pm

It never ceases to amaze me how so many people will try to disprove things Christians believe in, or things in the Bible, or whatever other religious beliefs people have. If they don't want to believe it, that's fine, but I don't see the point in coming up with all these theories about how to modify things.

I also don't get too involved in trying to PROVE scriptural things. There are evidences everywhere, and they are interesting, but my belief does not rely on physical proof.

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WiseNLucky
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Postby WiseNLucky » Sun 01 Oct, 2006 06:58 pm

Momma Snider wrote:I also don't get too involved in trying to PROVE scriptural things. There are evidences everywhere, and they are interesting, but my belief does not rely on physical proof.


A most powerful and true statement.

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Card
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Postby Card » Mon 02 Oct, 2006 02:37 pm

I know that the fainting reasoning is probably supposed to sound like something that has been researched, but it actually sounds very unresearched to me.

rcharman
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The reason this is silly is because it's a strawman argument

Postby rcharman » Tue 03 Oct, 2006 08:54 pm

The reason this is silly is because it's a strawman argument.

Strawman arguments are ones made up by the proponent of a position, so they don't have to address the actual arguments of their opponents.

By claiming that there are 5, 10, 15, or whatever number of arguments their opponents use, it gives their listeners the comfort (and the false belief) that all major issues have been handled and that those issues were pretty trivial to begin with. Moreover, it also diminishes the likelihood that their listeners will actually research the real positions of their critics.

Ask yourself this: if you found this argument to be completely silly, why wouldn't any other sensible person?

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Takino
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Postby Takino » Wed 08 Aug, 2007 09:01 am

Because there's nothing that is so silly and absurd that there isn't someone who believes it. (I recall a variation of that being mentioned somewhere as Snider's law, but I can't seem to find it anymore)

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Postby jds88 » Wed 08 Aug, 2007 11:07 am

I agree in general with your caution, Rcharman, but I can vouch for the fact that there are indeed people who believe this type of thing. As a missionary in Brazil I came across by a member of a sort of Masonic fringe group that believed themselves to be the philosophical descendants of the Essenes. He showed me a text claiming that Christ was, indeed, in a "very profound sleep" on the cross and that, when he woke up, he was smuggled out of the tomb and into an Essene commune where he lived a long and quiet life.

--Jim

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KareNin
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Postby KareNin » Wed 08 Aug, 2007 03:45 pm

Maybe they were confusing Christ with "here's-what-really-happened" fables about Elvis or Hitler...?
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Postby treen » Wed 08 Aug, 2007 04:53 pm

... or JFK. I had a friend who believed that JFK did not actually die in Texas, but was comatose and on life support for many years in secret. Since he couldn't function as the President anymore, the government just told everyone he had died. And then when he did "really" die, there was a secret burial at Arlington Cemetery where an empty coffin had been residing all those years. Right.

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Takino
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Postby Takino » Wed 08 Aug, 2007 05:26 pm

Everybody knows that the CIA and Lyndon Johnson dyed JFK black and he's currently hiding out at a southern Texas rest home with Elvis.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bubba_Ho-tep

(It really is a great movie, btw)
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pizzocalabro
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Postby pizzocalabro » Thu 09 Aug, 2007 01:15 am

jds88 wrote:I agree in general with your caution, Rcharman, but I can vouch for the fact that there are indeed people who believe this type of thing. As a missionary in Brazil I came across by a member of a sort of Masonic fringe group that believed themselves to be the philosophical descendants of the Essenes. He showed me a text claiming that Christ was, indeed, in a "very profound sleep" on the cross and that, when he woke up, he was smuggled out of the tomb and into an Essene commune where he lived a long and quiet life.

The fact that there is some limited number of people who believe this theory doesn't make its inclusion in the "5 Fingers of Doubt" anything less of a straw man argument. Most people who don't believe in the resurrection don't bother coming up with elaborate explanations for it--for them, there are much larger concerns with the reliability of the New Testament narrative than trying to account for any specific episode.

jds88
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Postby jds88 » Thu 09 Aug, 2007 10:11 am

Most people who don't believe in the resurrection don't bother coming up with elaborate explanations for it--for them, there are much larger concerns with the reliability of the New Testament narrative than trying to account for any specific episode.


Good point. It seems like a relatively high proportion of the atheists/non-Christians I know generally doubt Jesus ever lived at all.

--Jim

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Matt
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Postby Matt » Wed 15 Aug, 2007 07:57 pm

Good point. It seems like a relatively high proportion of the atheists/non-Christians I know generally doubt Jesus ever lived at all.
That's interesting. My experience is just the opposite. Most people, of all faiths (and none), that I know are reasonably confident that Jesus lived, even if they don't necessarily agree with many of the details of his life and nature as outlined in the bible.
goto 10

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pizzocalabro
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Postby pizzocalabro » Wed 15 Aug, 2007 09:56 pm

I think there was (probably) an actual, historical figure behind the Jesus of Christianity, but I'm fairly skeptical about the Biblical accounts of his life, even about many of the non-miraculous parts.

[Edited to add:] In other words, I'm not sure it's fair to say that I believe Jesus actually existed, if by "Jesus" you mean anyone resembling the Biblical figure.


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