What not to do during a talk in sacrament meeting

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Momma Snider
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Re: What not to do during a talk in sacrament meeting

Postby Momma Snider » Sat 15 Oct, 2011 03:03 pm

Found out this morning that I for sure am going to be asked to speak in the adult session tonight. The stake president asked me to share a particular experience I told him about the other night from when my kids were little and I decided to quit yelling at them. I'll let you know how it goes.

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Re: What not to do during a talk in sacrament meeting

Postby lisapants » Sat 15 Oct, 2011 05:04 pm

I want to hear the story. Good luck tonight!
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Re: What not to do during a talk in sacrament meeting

Postby Lady Celtic » Mon 17 Oct, 2011 06:40 am

Me too! I'm struggling in the not-yelling arena....
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Re: What not to do during a talk in sacrament meeting

Postby Eric's Fat Brother » Mon 17 Oct, 2011 10:06 am

Whenever Momma gets around to telling the whole story, you should all be aware that none of us children remember her being a yeller, which means she had perfected herself by the time Eric was old enough to remember stuff.
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Re: What not to do during a talk in sacrament meeting

Postby Momma Snider » Mon 17 Oct, 2011 11:29 am

Actually, what it means is that one of the blessings we all received from it is that it was wiped from their minds. Because I know the boys were old enough to remember.

But I will tell the whole story soon.

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Re: What not to do during a talk in sacrament meeting

Postby Momma Snider » Mon 17 Oct, 2011 12:03 pm

My husband and I had six children pretty close together – all six were born in just over eight years. I loved my kids, and I loved being a mom. As a couple, we had decided early on that there would be no arguing or harsh words between us, and that worked out very well, but it never occurred to me that I needed to make that same promise about my children. Somewhere along the line I became a screecher. There were many nights that I went to bed with a sore throat from yelling. I felt terrible about it, but didn’t think it was realistic to try to stop.
One day I was thinking about how much I loved my kids, and I began to wonder if they knew. I was sure they did know; I told them often and was very loving most of the time. But I didn’t want them to wonder even for one second if I loved them. I didn’t want them to have to think about it. I knew that meant the yelling had to stop.
I prayed about it a lot, and I used my journal to record my progress. Soon days and then weeks went by without an outburst. It helped to remember three things:
1. They’re not just my children, they’re Heavenly Father’s children, and he expects me to treat them with respect.
2. They’re not just my children, they’re my brothers and sisters. They are my equals. There is no justification for berating or making them feel less than they are.
3. Most important, children base their early feelings about their Heavenly Father on their perceptions of their parents. How can they feel the Lord’s infinite, unconditional love for them, and his willingness to forgive them, if their parents are yelling at them?
Within a year or two, my very nature had changed. My younger children don’t remember the yelling at all, and even the older ones don’t remember much. But it was about 10 years later, when they were teenagers, that I realized an unexpected blessing. I had gone from praying for help in not yelling to praying in thanks for the change in me, and one morning the thought came to me: Not only had I reached the goal of not having my children wonder for even one second if I loved them, but I had not had one second of wondering if they loved me. There had been no harsh words, no yelling at me, no threats of running away from home, all things which I half expected as the mother of teenagers. This has been one of the greatest blessings of my life, as they’ve moved into adulthood and have continued to show love and respect to me 100% of the time. And as I see my sons with their children, I know we have broken the chain.
The Atonement changes lives. It doesn’t just arrange for the forgiveness of sins, but also works that mighty change of heart, so we have no more desire to sin. In this one area, it has changed my very nature, and the effects will go far beyond my original goal.

I didn't say this in my talk, but seriously, I don't think I could yell now if I was on fire!

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Re: What not to do during a talk in sacrament meeting

Postby Card » Mon 17 Oct, 2011 01:02 pm

This is awesome. Thank you for sharing that. It's amazing how people can change their very character if they look to God and put some concerted effort into it. That gives me, personally, hope.

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Re: What not to do during a talk in sacrament meeting

Postby lisapants » Mon 17 Oct, 2011 01:15 pm

Thank you for sharing, Momma. I am a yeller sometimes, and I hate it. I hope to be able to change, as well, and hopefully my kids won't remember the yelling, either.
<------- Ondipants, Babyloo, and Little Buddy

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Re: What not to do during a talk in sacrament meeting

Postby Lady Celtic » Mon 17 Oct, 2011 02:33 pm

Thanks, Momma. That's inspiring. I'm so glad you shared.
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Re: What not to do during a talk in sacrament meeting

Postby iamroch » Mon 17 Oct, 2011 03:44 pm

Thank you for sharing that story. It touched me and inspires me. Thank you!
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Re: What not to do during a talk in sacrament meeting

Postby Audrey » Tue 18 Oct, 2011 02:00 pm

Momma, I kept looking for the "like" button under your post! Well, if I could like it a million times, I would. I hope I can remember your good advice when I'm a parent.
If you smile at me I will understand, 'cause that is something everybody everywhere does in the same language.

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Re: What not to do during a talk in sacrament meeting

Postby Lowdoggy Dogg » Fri 21 Oct, 2011 07:57 am

This was excellent. I have been really trying to curb my yelling. I appreciate your example!

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Re: What not to do during a talk in sacrament meeting

Postby Momma Snider » Thu 09 Feb, 2012 11:55 am

I was just reading this thread yesterday, and last night they called to ask me to speak in sacrament meeting on the 19th. The springboard topic is Elder Packer's talk from conference, "Counsel to the Youth." I was so happy that he wasn't calling to ask me to teach Primary or something, I was delighted to say yes. which of course I always would do anyway. That talk was one of the most memorable for me, and I looked forward to being able to address some of the things he said.

However, now it looks like I am going to Utah that weekend instead, after the Estate Sale on Saturday. My heart is lifted at the thought! I feel bad about having to call Bro. Gray to tell him I can't speak after all, but it's still 10 days away, and there are 700 people in the ward, so I think it will be okay. I do hope they can let me speak on that talk later...

My funny sister is in the stake YW presidency, and the only reason she wanted to be president was so she could speak in the wards every month. Now our stake isn't doing that any more, so she's perfectly content being a counselor. Can you imagine WANTING to speak every month?

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Re: What not to do during a talk in sacrament meeting

Postby lisapants » Fri 10 Feb, 2012 01:20 pm

I went back and read your stake conference talk about not yelling at your kids. I need to print that out and put it on my fridge, because man oh man, do I really need that right now.
<------- Ondipants, Babyloo, and Little Buddy

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Re: What not to do during a talk in sacrament meeting

Postby ImAdhis » Sun 12 Feb, 2012 11:20 pm

Momma Snider wrote:3. Most important, children base their early feelings about their Heavenly Father on their perceptions of their parents. How can they feel the Lord’s infinite, unconditional love for them, and his willingness to forgive them, if their parents are yelling at them?


I love this! Not only do they refer to their feelings to create a relationship with God, but they also refer to their feeling memories when developing their self-worth.

During one of the times I lost control of myself with my 3yo, I had an "emotion memory" of when my dad used to lose it with us kids. His voice used to shake the house and my whole body would tremble when he got angry. That was very hard to recover from even when he would apologize afterward. The apology could not and did not ever match the intensity of his anger. I saw that I was copying this behavior, and I decided that I wanted to live my own life, not a mindless copy of someone else's.

I also noticed that my daughter would lose trust in me when I was harsh with her. She behaved like she was fine, but she would not be as affectionate later on or she was off in her own world more than usual. It would take her 3-5 days to get back to the connection level she had before I yelled at her. She never looked sad or distrustful, but I picked up that her subconscious mind was naturally protecting her from pain and that meant hang out NOT with Mom. That realization pained my heart; my daughter already has developmental challenges and I did not want to add to her trauma or trust issues.

It is not easy sometimes, but I have improved radically and in an amazing short amount of time. I don't ever lose control of myself now. When I'm tempted to give them a tongue-lashing, I look at my daughters and think "is this worth setting back our relationship by 5 days?" It never is. And I am not willing give in to the old habit, in preparation for when their memories grow longer.

As a side effect, I have grown in love for myself, too. But that's a different topic.
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Re: What not to do during a talk in sacrament meeting

Postby AdamOndi » Mon 13 Feb, 2012 09:52 am

We had a fun experience listening to a talk yesterday. It was given by a young woman in the ward who is the daughter of the current 1st Counselor in the bishopric and the former Relief Society President. Both of her parents are high school teachers. She is just about to graduate from college. These details are pertinent because she started out her talk recounting, in her words, "The familiar story with which we are all famil... uh, that we all know" about Jesus healing the ten leopards. The first time she said "leopard" instead of "leper" I thought it was just a flub. But then she went on to repeat it as "leopard" at least five or six more times, which leads me to believe she actually doesn't know the difference between a leopard and a leper. And while it is kind of funny to picture these ten guys being cured of having fur and spots and all of that, it does make me think about how ungrateful most felines are anyway, which is probably why only one of the ten came back to say thanks after they were all cured.
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Re: What not to do during a talk in sacrament meeting

Postby Momma Snider » Mon 13 Feb, 2012 10:15 am

Adam, that was just a totally funny post! Especially the part about ungrateful felines.

We heard from a man who hasn't spoken in sacrament meeting in many years, he said. He rambled a little at the beginning, and then told us that his talk was based on a conference talk entitled "Do the Right Thing at the Right Time" by Elder Alonzo. He immediately launched into a story about Mitt Romney, making it sound like it was part of the talk he was referencing. It was about when he was president of Bing Capital and the daughter of one of his employees went missing, and he shut down the whole operation for three days while they looked for her, and set up a command post in NYC and hired private detectives, etc. and they finally found her in a basement, and she would have died if she hadn't been found for another day or two. True story or legend, it did illustrate the point, I guess. But then he went on to say how great our country could be if our politicians would do the right thing at the right time. He said, "I know we're not supposed to endorse political candidates from the pulpit, so that's not what I'm doing, but we'd be better off if all our leaders were like President Romney."

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Re: What not to do during a talk in sacrament meeting

Postby Card » Mon 13 Feb, 2012 06:56 pm

The leopards were hilarious!

And may I just say that in my experience, most of the political commentary in church is brought about because somehow in people's minds there is always a "more righteous" candidate. I was a missionary during one of the presidential elections, and at dinner appointments, the members always started proselyting for which ever candidate they supported. And they used the scriptures to support their own views! It was so awkward. This happened for both democrats and republicans.

I really, really, really, really hate political talk connected with church because I think people are so blinded by their own ideas of who is the more righteous candidate, and it really, really bothers me. I have church leaders I would never vote in as a political leader and vice versa. It's how it goes. Gah! Sorry, can you tell it's one of my greatest annoyances?

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Re: What not to do during a talk in sacrament meeting

Postby Momma Snider » Mon 13 Feb, 2012 07:59 pm

One of the things that bothers me about politics mixed with religion is that religious people tend to believe that what they believe is true, not just an opinion. (And of course my religious beliefs ARE true :) :) ) Politics are different. Opinions are not true or false, good or evil, necessarily. I really hate when someone tries to make a politician out to be bad, or selfish, or whatever, just because they have a different idea. I firmly believe that the vast majority of politicians are in it to help the population. We just all have different ideas on how best to help.

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Re: What not to do during a talk in sacrament meeting

Postby Card » Tue 14 Feb, 2012 11:12 am

Yes, but also, I would like to point out that no political party is ... well, correct. There is no perfect political party, and I think all of them I've seen have had some degree of excellent principles that they support. I like that the church tells people that each election. I just don't think it has really sunk in for most people who harbor that their own political party is the most righteous one.


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