LDS bachelorette parties

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Momma Snider
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LDS bachelorette parties

Postby Momma Snider » Mon 22 May, 2006 09:13 am

This is a question for those of you girls who are either newly married or at least at the age that your friends are getting married. Are bachelorette parties common among active LDS girls these days?

I hadn't heard of any until the one my daughters went to this weekend. They've both been invited to traditional ones, held in bars, where they knew there would be inappropriate activities, so they haven't attended. But this one was hosted by the singles ward Relief Society 2nd counselor and HER MOTHER, and was at their house and then at a restaurant, so they thought it would be okay. Not sure what to expect, but not expecting a pinata shaped like...never mind. And the plastic decorations on the cake. And pin the bow tie on the man in a Speedo, which was the most innocent activity of the day.

So I don't know. If this is getting more common, maybe I'm just getting old. But I disapprove. Of course I don't even approve of emphasizing the sex part at a bridal shower, so what do I know? I just know I'd have been mortified if any of that had come up at my bridal shower, right there in front of my mother.

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Postby robcan2 » Mon 22 May, 2006 09:34 am

Obviously I wouldn't be invited to any of these bachelorette parties, but this sounds very strange to me. My wife has had a number of cousins and friends married recently, and they have only had bridal showers. The idea of an LDS bachelorette party is no big deal to me. Bachelor parties for LDS men are not uncommon. But the ones I have been to involved movies (PG-13), video games, card games, and food. So pretty much like any other basic get together with the guys.

So, was the pin the bow tie thing with an actual man dressed in a speedo, or was it a cardboard cutout or poster? If the former, then yes, that seems way over the top for an LDS group. If the latter, still not what I would consider appropriate, along with the naughty pinata and cake.

One of my LDS friends had been to South Africa just before I was married. He and his new wife thought it would be funny to give us a touristy fertility god keychain as a wedding gift. The worst part is that I couldn't regift it to anyone, so it went in the trash.
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Postby Momma Snider » Mon 22 May, 2006 09:41 am

Yeah, Speedo Man was just a poster, so that part wasn't really that big of a deal. But it was only the beginning. Neither of my girls (who are 23 and 25, and have not been locked in a closet all their lives or anything) even wanted to eat the cake, after having to pick off miniature ummm...stuff.

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Postby BeeDub » Mon 22 May, 2006 09:47 am

What a coincidence... I just threw my brother a bachelor party two nights ago!

What did we do? We went to a movie ("Over the Hedge", which everyone thought was hilarious), then ate at Hooters (the most risque thing of the night), then went to two (count 'em, TWO) different video arcades, where we blew about a hundred bucks.

That's wild stuff, folks.
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Postby Momma Snider » Mon 22 May, 2006 10:30 am

That's the kind of stuff my daughters were expecting. Maybe watch some movies, talk and giggle, then eat dinner.

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Postby Jersey Girl » Mon 22 May, 2006 11:51 am

As someone who has had many friends married over the years, I've never been to an LDS bachelorette party especially one that racey. I have mostly been to wedding showers. I went to one where an old lady gave my innocent young friend chocolate body paint and a brush. The talk usually runs a bit risque but nothing could be worse than the story of my friend who married a Bolivian.

In the stupid give the bride marriage advice game with a piece a paper, the future Bolivian mother and aunt in laws gave her advice on how to please a man...WITH DIAGRAMS. The poor girl was too uncomfortable to read that advice.

The last wedding shower I went to was lingerie themed. We were with a variety of non-lds and lds people. The gifts were a bit wild. Personally, I didn't come away from that shower with a great feeling.
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Postby Eric's Fat Brother » Mon 22 May, 2006 12:00 pm

When my brother-in-law got married last year, his fiancee had a bridal shower the night before that my wife was obligated to go to. It was a "Naughty and Nice" themed shower, where each person was supposed to get the bride one naughty gift and one nice one. Considering that the wedding was the next day, we thought it was a little ridiculous that we were expected to get them three gifts in two days, not to mention the fact that Beth wasn't extremely comfortable getting a "naughty" gift for a bride-to-be who was five months pregnant. I ALMOST talked her into getting, for the naughty gift, a box of condoms with a card that said "Better luck next time," but she decided that might not be the best way to go.
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Postby Momma Snider » Mon 22 May, 2006 12:33 pm

I even knew of one girl who, at the conclusion of her friend's temple wedding, was yelling risque stuff on the temple grounds. I thought that was extremely inappropriate, to say the least. Coincidentally (??) this same girl, at her own wedding reception a year later, was the one who screamed "I HATE YOU!" at her groom because he got cake on her dress.

There are so many wonderful things about being married, so many things to celebrate that aren't so private. I just don't think it's right to emphasize the sex part, especially when there are unmarried and (presumably) innocent and virtuous girls present who will be embarrassed and grossed out. For that matter, a lot of brides are totally without that kind of experience themselves, and this seems really unkind.

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Postby WiseNLucky » Mon 22 May, 2006 12:51 pm

I'm rather at a loss. I had never heard of an LDS bachelor or bachelorette party. I don't know if I was just never invited -- I thought we just didn't do those sorts of things. These stories are strange to me in the context of what we believe. The conference statement about not making lewd comments begins to make more sense to me in this context.
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Postby StuggliesWife » Mon 22 May, 2006 04:31 pm

Not only have I heard about them (didn't do them in my day but I have a 21 yr old stepdaughter) but the number of LDS women who do uh "pleasure parties"
is greatly on the rise.

An old highschool friend of mine is often sending me invitations. :roll:
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Postby wilkster1 » Mon 22 May, 2006 04:49 pm

Having attended a singles ward for a number of years, I did go to several LDS bachelor parties -- but I don't remember anything that was inappropriate... basically, like several people have said, they amounted to a bunch of the guys going out for dinner and then doing something like playing Laser Tag. They were fun, but I remember thinking they were weird, because in the LDS social scene, there's such a low priority on guys just hanging out with other guys. Anything social, with just guys, that was official and planned seemed to need to be 1) playing basketball, or 2) about spending time with the opposite sex, really.
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Postby Coolboyharrell » Mon 22 May, 2006 07:13 pm

A roommate and I went to our friend's bachelorette party…as part of the entertainment. It was probably the most tame stripping in the history of bachelorette parties, as we didn't get any money out of it and still had shorts (not boxer shorts, real shorts) and t-shirts on that the end (we had to put on suits and winter clothes so we'd have something to take off). We only did it because our friend who was getting married was extremely innocent, and we thought it was be hilarious, and it was. I even saw the video of it afterward-Chipndales is definitely not in my future.

I think the most risqué thing that happened that night was the leopard-spotted tank top that she got as a present, and we (my friend and I) were forced to leave before she opened it. All in all, it was just an excuse for the girls to eat unhealthy food and give/get presents. I don’t see the harm in that.
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Postby Audrey » Mon 22 May, 2006 08:15 pm

Momma Snider wrote:There are so many wonderful things about being married, so many things to celebrate that aren't so private. I just don't think it's right to emphasize the sex part, especially when there are unmarried and (presumably) innocent and virtuous girls present who will be embarrassed and grossed out. For that matter, a lot of brides are totally without that kind of experience themselves, and this seems really unkind.

Exactly.

I think sometimes that because it is assumed that the bride and groom at an LDS wedding are pretty innocent in matters of the bedroom, people get giddy and can't focus on anything BUT the sex part. I've been to enough bridal showers and receptions over the last 10 years to have heard quite a few conversations turn juvenile and tasteless. The sad thing is that without exception this has happened at LDS weddings and showers. At most non-LDS weddings, either everyone knew that the sex part was already old hat, or else they had the good sense (and taste) to focus on the wedding and not the wedding night.

Guess what -- we all know the bride and groom are going to go have sex. Why do we have to talk about it? It's their private moment, and it cheapens it by tee-heeing all over the place.

Thankfully I've never been subjected to the sex-ed class via cake model. That is wildly out of line, in my opinion.
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Postby RenLass » Mon 22 May, 2006 08:59 pm

I ALMOST talked her into getting, for the naughty gift, a box of condoms with a card that said "Better luck next time," but she decided that might not be the best way to go.
:lol: HA! That would have been so sweet! Too bad Beth's good taste had to win out on that one. I know she made the best decision, but i so would have loved to be the fly on the wall when the bride to be had opened that one because it is just so funny. :lol:

Momma, I'm really sad thought to hear that someone in my old stake would have considered such a party appropriate. And I am assuming this is a bride who is planning on marrying in the temple? i just don't understand why they would subject their guests to such a display of bad taste. What a shame.
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Postby Dude » Mon 22 May, 2006 09:02 pm

I own an exotic dancer agency in Phoenix, and believe it or not we've booked several bachelor and bachelorette parties for LDS folks. There's never any alcohol or cigars, but they do like their strippers. They being the people that booked the party, not Mormons in general.

Of the parties where I've pulled security (strictly bachelor), only 2 said they were getting married in the temple. I only know of one bachelorette who said she was getting married in the temple, but she also said that she only converted for her future husband.

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Postby JDJanson » Mon 22 May, 2006 11:45 pm

I have a daughter who is almost 22 with friends getting married. She lives in Salt Lake, I will have to ask about this. Showers I have heard of and been to, and are pretty normal in all ways.

When my best friend's daughter married, we all went out to Olive Garden for dinner the night before and went back home to all help put the finishes touches on things, the reception was to be in their backyard, it was great!
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Postby JDJanson » Tue 23 May, 2006 12:13 am

Was just chatting with Allie, she said most girls, eat out and maybe go out dancing.She would like a spa day, mixed with some yummy food with a few girlfreinds!

She did say that there are many slumber parties, that are Tupperware, but Pleasure Parties, like mentioned here.
Tupperware-Sex Toy parties.She has not been invited!!!
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WiseNLucky
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Postby WiseNLucky » Tue 23 May, 2006 07:34 am

OK, I'll bite. What's a "pleasure party?"
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StuggliesWife
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Postby StuggliesWife » Tue 23 May, 2006 09:08 am

A pleasure party is a place to order "toys", oils, lotions, "interesting lingerie", books, naughty games, etc... to "enhance" your marriage.

I figure if I need these things... then my husband isn't doing it right! :lol:

Quite a lucrative career. A friend of mine in Orem is doing them now. Another highschool friend from Idaho does them. I have been out of the west for 10 years now but my highschool friend was doing them back in the early 90's.

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Postby lilcis » Tue 23 May, 2006 12:22 pm

One of my girlfriends got married last month and two of her good friends took her to a stripper-aerobics class. I thought that was a cute idea. Risqué, but not offensive. One of those girls is a convert who did quite a bit of socializing in her day. So for her it is normal to have bachelorette parties.

Before that group of friends, though, I had never even had one suggested. We always made a point of giving at least one embarrassing gift at showers, but I always try to keep the receiver in mind. For instance, my last roommate was very innocent. She hadn’t even kissed her fiancé until the night they got engaged. So for her shower I gave her a ‘honeymoon kit’ with a very tasteful nightie, a small box of condoms, aspirin, massage oil, and a book, The Act of Marriage, which was written by a Christian couple with chaste individuals in mind.

However, for this last shower my girlfriend was the one who always liked to say things to ‘shock’ people. So I gave her candy underwear, a K-Y assortment, naughty dice, and condoms.

I’ve also given sex books to friends, but always made sure they contained illustrations rather than photographs, just because I feel like photographs make them feel pornographic.
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